Anne-Claire
Elise
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7 years ago
Friday, May 29, 2009
Mama's milk and kangaroo care
Anne-Claire and Elise are three days old today! It was a big day because my milk finally came in, so I'm producing a lot more and the babies are, therefore, getting a lot more. I was able to "feed" Elise her 9:30am feeding of pure Mama's milk while kangarooing with her, and did the same with Anne-Claire at 3 o'clock. The girls' nurse, Holly, was kind enough to snap a few pictures of both events. She said if they continue to handle their feedings so well, the schedule of when I can begin nursing them could speed up.
Pictures
I've had a hard time getting pictures copied from our camera to my laptop. That's why it's taken me a few days to get these up--in addition to having just given birth and being busy getting to know our newest daughters. I want to write about the birth of Anne-Claire and Elise but wanted to get these pictures up asap, so the write-up will come later. The girls are almost 60 hours old as I work on this and are doing wonderfully--Praise God! They both lost a little weight today but that is to be expected of newborns. Anne-Claire weighs 1600 grams (she weighed 1660 at birth), and Elise weighs 1180 grams (she weighed 1200 grams at birth). They were on CPAP immediately after birth and today moved to vapotherm, which means they're getting a little pressure to assist their breathing. They've both been getting 21% oxygen, or "room air," which is what we all breathe. They're tolerating their feeds really well. They're getting whatever colostrum I can pump and preemie formula through an NG-tube as well as TPN via IV, which is a nutrient-rich supplement. They're already making feeding cues such as acting hungry when it's time to eat, rooting around in their blankets, smacking their lips, and sucking vigorously on their passies. I'm hopeful that they'll let me try to nurse sometime next week after they're 33 weeks. So, there's my quick update and here are the pictures I promised. Enjoy!
The weekend before their birth. Emma and Charlotte helping get the babies on the monitor. I am still in disbelief that I had two babies in my belly--especially now that I see them on the outside.
On Wednesday, getting to take Anne-Claire's temperature
Elise's tiny foot with long toes next to my thumb
Elise's very, very thin umbilical cord--proof of God's goodness in giving Elise her daily bread
Getting to hold Anne-Claire for the first time--sweet bliss!
Daddy and Elise for the first time
Anne-Claire--CPAP and goggle-free
The weekend before their birth. Emma and Charlotte helping get the babies on the monitor. I am still in disbelief that I had two babies in my belly--especially now that I see them on the outside.
On Wednesday, getting to take Anne-Claire's temperature
Elise's tiny foot with long toes next to my thumb
Elise's very, very thin umbilical cord--proof of God's goodness in giving Elise her daily bread
Getting to hold Anne-Claire for the first time--sweet bliss!
Daddy and Elise for the first time
Anne-Claire--CPAP and goggle-free
I know she looks like a "normal-sized" baby in this picture because there's no reference point for her size, but rest assured, she really is tiny at around 3 1/2 pounds. I do think she looks big compared to Elise though.
Elise on vapotherm and goggle-free
Emma and Charlotte meeting Anne-Claire for the first time.
Emma and Charlotte meeting Elise for the first time.
Emma, adoring Elise.
Emma and Charlotte meeting Anne-Claire for the first time.
Emma and Charlotte meeting Elise for the first time.
Emma, adoring Elise.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Welcome Anne-Claire and Elise Holmes!
Praise be to God, this afternoon Chris, Emma, Charlotte, and I welcomed two more beautiful girls into our family. Anne-Claire Evangeline was born at 12:52PM, weighing 3 pounds 11 ounces and measuring 16.5 inches long. Elise Lydia Michelle was born at 12:54PM, weighing 2 pounds 10 ounces and measuring 15.5 inches long. As I write this, I have not yet gotten to see our girls, but I am anxiously waiting for my spinal to wear off so I can go upstairs. I am feeling as well as can be expected following major abdominal surgery, and all reports on the babies have been good. Both girls are on CPAP to help their breathing, but other than that are not getting any other support as far as I know right now. Here are some early pictures. We'll post more as we take them and give more information soon. The pics are of Anne-Claire and Elise in the OR and Anne-Claire and Elise in the NICU--in that order.
Delivery Day! May 26, 2009
I haven't even finished last week's entry and have exciting news for this week! I've been on continous monitoring since Saturday because Elise has been having frequent decels. This morning she wasn't moving during my ultrasound (She got 4 out of 8 on her biophysical) so my doctor said today is delivery day! The girls are 32 weeks today, so hopefully they will not have too long of a stay in the NICU. I'm supposed to be going back to the OR at noon and will be seeing our girls shortly after that. Please be in prayer for all of us!
Monday, May 25, 2009
Week 6: May 18-24
This was a pretty good week. The babies didn't have any major problems. On Tuesday (day 37), Elise had a slight decel, but, fortunately, I didn't have to stay on the monitor for too long before my doctor decided it was safe to come off. Both Anne-Claire and Elise had wondeful ultrasounds all week. Their fluid levels were on target and their cord dopplers remained stable. Their biophysical profiles coulnd't have been better. On Friday (day 40) I started have some regular contractions, so the on-call doctor suggested my cervix get checked and if everything was fine, my nurse could take me off the monitor. I knew they were just Braxton-Hicks and not going to do anything significant. The contractions returned on Saturday (day 41) night and became more frequent, so theon-call doctor had my nurse check my cervix and sure enough it was nice and closed! Then on Sunday (day 42), Elise had a 3 1/2 minute decel into the 60s that earned me more time on the monitor. When Dr. D-P came in and did my ultrasound, she said the girls looked wonderful and she wanted to review the tracing around 8pm to see what was going on. Unfortunately, she came back 3 hours later and said that there had been slight dips throughout the afternoon, so she was keeping me on the monitor until further notice. I slept sitting up because that seems to be the only way I can get any rest and keep the babies on the monitors. On Monday (week 7, day 43) morning I woke hopeful that the constant monitoring would soon be over. Unfortunately, by the time Dr. D-P arrived Elise had had another decel, so she felt I need to stay on the monitor for longer. I was really disappointed because Chris and the girls were spending the day with me and being on the monitor makes our visits much more difficult. They were going to go ahead and leave but Chris saw how disappointed I was and decided to stay. I'm so glad. Being on the monitor continuously is hard enough but doing it alone is even harder.
June 2: The above was written on Monday, May 25. Little did I know that the very next day my girls would be born and the significance my notes from Sunday and Monday would have.
June 2: The above was written on Monday, May 25. Little did I know that the very next day my girls would be born and the significance my notes from Sunday and Monday would have.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Blast from the past
Friday night Chris had a hard time sleeping, so he went downstairs and looked through old photos. He found a few of us right around the time we got engaged, November 6, 1998, that made him a bit nostalgic. I thought I'd post one of them that was taken over the Christmas holidays when we went to Colorado with several friends. We might have been out celebrating my 22nd birthday--I really don't remember--but it was 10 years ago! We were babies!
Tonight, we were talking about those days when we were young and foolish. I told Chris I'm glad those days are over. I'm so happy with our life here in Indiana with Emma and Charlotte, and soon to be adding, Anne-Claire and Elise. We are so incredibly blessed! We've come a long way, have gained a few pounds, and have been (are going through) some big challenges, but through it all our love for one another has grown, our faith has increased, and our life has been sweetened by four silly girls. (It's a foregone conclusion that Anne-Claire and Elise will be as silly as Emma and Charlotte). LOL
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Week 5: May 11-17
Day 29
Today marked the end of 4 weeks in the hospital. I remember as the day approached for me to be admitted, I thought, "I just need to get through April." Then as my 28th week approached and April ended, I thought, "I just need to get through May." Now here I am, half-way through the month of May. I'm so thankful that I've made it through these 4 weeks in the hospital and the 2 months since my amnioreduction. Chris, Emma, Charlotte, Anne-Claire, Elise, and I would not be here if not for God's mercy and faithfulness. We owe Him all the glory for these weeks and for the lives of our babies.
It also goes without saying that we could not have survived the emotional roller coaster of these past 2 months, were it not for the support of our wonderful friends and church family. The other day I was at the support group for long-term hospitalized moms run by two nurses here at the hospital. One nurse who has been here for 20 years or more said she has never seen a patient with the kind of support I have. It delights my soul to have the love of Christ seen by others as a result of my weakness.
Baby Update: Both girls got scores of 8 out of 8 on their biophysical profiles. Unfortunately, during my afternoon monitoring session, Elise had a decel that caused my doctor to put me on continuous monitoring. She's going to leave me on throughout the night, which makes sleeping difficult. Elise has done this so many times, I'm pretty confident that nothing major is going on, but as my doctor reminded me, this is why I'm here in the hospital--to be monitored closely in case something does happen that requires a quick delivery.
Day 30
30 weeks today!! Praise God! Even though it was a hard day because I was on the monitor all night last night and most of today, I am so thankful to be here celebrating this 30 week milestone. Dr. Dungy-Poythress, Dr. Skannal, Melissa, and Angela (all from Maternal Fetal Medicine) came by this afternoon to celebrate with me. The whole office signed a card for me, and they brought me two lovely-smelling candles, which I can't light because it's against hospital rules. The best part of their surprise, however, was being released from continuous monitoring! I was also treated to a quick visit from my friend, Jen, on her way up to see her girls in the NICU. She brought me a great celebration balloon with the caption: "30...the party continues." She also gave me a reuseable water bottle filled with peanut M&Ms--yummy! She added the M&Ms because a friend with twins claims they made a huge difference in the sizes of her babies. I think it's definitely worth a shot!
Day 31
I had an emotional day today because Chris and the girls were supposed to visit today but had to cancel because of the thunderstorms that came through. I was really disappointed because I'm missing them like crazy. I know that it was not a good idea for them to come in this weather but still sad. I did get a visit from my friend, Christy, who delivered fraternal twins at 34 weeks gestation about a week before I was admitted. It was sweet to see and hold a little baby again. I even got to give Benjamin his bottle. It made me very ready to snuggle my own babies. Speaking of my own babies, both Anne-Claire and Elise continue doing well. Praise God!
Day 32
Today was exciting because our family was invited to participate in a photo shoot for a new program at Maternal Fetal Medicine for mothers-to-be who are expecting multiples. I was a little hesitant to agree to be photographed in my present condition and size, but ultimately, figured it wouldn't be so bad. Chris and the girls walked in during the shoot, so my doctor asked if Emma and Charlotte could be in some of the shots. They also took some with Chris, which were fun to do with all 6 of us. In one picture, the photographer asked Emma how many babies were in Mommy's belly, and she said "two" but put up three fingers. The look on my face was hilarious. I hope that we get some of the pictures to keep because they were pretty cute. I have been asked several times by family in Texas for an updated pic of my baby belly. Chris kept forgetting to bring the camera but did bring it today, so here is a shot of me and the belly at 30 weeks.
We also got a couple of cute shots of Emma and Charlotte while they were here.
Day 33
I had very few visitors this week, but today had tons! My pastors, Tim and Dave, came back for a visit this week, which was so nice. I love getting to see friends from home! Julie also came by after work today and brought me yummy dinner from On the Border, chocolate, and a fun magazine. While she was here, more friends, Rob and Suzanne, also came by. I never knew how much I would appreciate having adult conversation. I love hearing what is going on in my friends' lives while I'm in here--the hospital is something of a time warp. For example, I can't believe how many babies have been born/adopted at CGS since I was admitted! My babies are still doing great--they continue to get 8 out of 8 on their biophysical profiles and have been doing well during their monitoring sessions. I realized today that I might not have too much longer before Anne-Claire and Elise arrive, so I worked hard all day on the first blanket I started knitting soon after being admitted and finished it!! Now I can get busy on the 2nd one, so the babies can each have a blanket made by me while I've waited in the hospital for their birth.
Days 34 & 35
Chris and the girls came to visit this weekend, and we had a great time. Chris brought lunch and dinner from home, which I loved because, as mentioned before, I MISS food from home A LOT! It is so wonderful to have them here. I told Chris today it almost feels like I'm at home when we can just relax and enjoy being together. Anne-Claire and Elise have been doing so well, Dr. D-P told my nurses to leave us alone so that we could spend time together without me having to get on the monitor. Soooo nice! I even got to nap with the girls again, which is sweeter than words. We also went out to the patio and sat in the sunshine while the girls played and Chris read Sherlock Holmes to me. Here are some pics of the girls on the patio.
Today marked the end of 4 weeks in the hospital. I remember as the day approached for me to be admitted, I thought, "I just need to get through April." Then as my 28th week approached and April ended, I thought, "I just need to get through May." Now here I am, half-way through the month of May. I'm so thankful that I've made it through these 4 weeks in the hospital and the 2 months since my amnioreduction. Chris, Emma, Charlotte, Anne-Claire, Elise, and I would not be here if not for God's mercy and faithfulness. We owe Him all the glory for these weeks and for the lives of our babies.
It also goes without saying that we could not have survived the emotional roller coaster of these past 2 months, were it not for the support of our wonderful friends and church family. The other day I was at the support group for long-term hospitalized moms run by two nurses here at the hospital. One nurse who has been here for 20 years or more said she has never seen a patient with the kind of support I have. It delights my soul to have the love of Christ seen by others as a result of my weakness.
Baby Update: Both girls got scores of 8 out of 8 on their biophysical profiles. Unfortunately, during my afternoon monitoring session, Elise had a decel that caused my doctor to put me on continuous monitoring. She's going to leave me on throughout the night, which makes sleeping difficult. Elise has done this so many times, I'm pretty confident that nothing major is going on, but as my doctor reminded me, this is why I'm here in the hospital--to be monitored closely in case something does happen that requires a quick delivery.
Day 30
30 weeks today!! Praise God! Even though it was a hard day because I was on the monitor all night last night and most of today, I am so thankful to be here celebrating this 30 week milestone. Dr. Dungy-Poythress, Dr. Skannal, Melissa, and Angela (all from Maternal Fetal Medicine) came by this afternoon to celebrate with me. The whole office signed a card for me, and they brought me two lovely-smelling candles, which I can't light because it's against hospital rules. The best part of their surprise, however, was being released from continuous monitoring! I was also treated to a quick visit from my friend, Jen, on her way up to see her girls in the NICU. She brought me a great celebration balloon with the caption: "30...the party continues." She also gave me a reuseable water bottle filled with peanut M&Ms--yummy! She added the M&Ms because a friend with twins claims they made a huge difference in the sizes of her babies. I think it's definitely worth a shot!
Day 31
I had an emotional day today because Chris and the girls were supposed to visit today but had to cancel because of the thunderstorms that came through. I was really disappointed because I'm missing them like crazy. I know that it was not a good idea for them to come in this weather but still sad. I did get a visit from my friend, Christy, who delivered fraternal twins at 34 weeks gestation about a week before I was admitted. It was sweet to see and hold a little baby again. I even got to give Benjamin his bottle. It made me very ready to snuggle my own babies. Speaking of my own babies, both Anne-Claire and Elise continue doing well. Praise God!
Day 32
Today was exciting because our family was invited to participate in a photo shoot for a new program at Maternal Fetal Medicine for mothers-to-be who are expecting multiples. I was a little hesitant to agree to be photographed in my present condition and size, but ultimately, figured it wouldn't be so bad. Chris and the girls walked in during the shoot, so my doctor asked if Emma and Charlotte could be in some of the shots. They also took some with Chris, which were fun to do with all 6 of us. In one picture, the photographer asked Emma how many babies were in Mommy's belly, and she said "two" but put up three fingers. The look on my face was hilarious. I hope that we get some of the pictures to keep because they were pretty cute. I have been asked several times by family in Texas for an updated pic of my baby belly. Chris kept forgetting to bring the camera but did bring it today, so here is a shot of me and the belly at 30 weeks.
We also got a couple of cute shots of Emma and Charlotte while they were here.
Day 33
I had very few visitors this week, but today had tons! My pastors, Tim and Dave, came back for a visit this week, which was so nice. I love getting to see friends from home! Julie also came by after work today and brought me yummy dinner from On the Border, chocolate, and a fun magazine. While she was here, more friends, Rob and Suzanne, also came by. I never knew how much I would appreciate having adult conversation. I love hearing what is going on in my friends' lives while I'm in here--the hospital is something of a time warp. For example, I can't believe how many babies have been born/adopted at CGS since I was admitted! My babies are still doing great--they continue to get 8 out of 8 on their biophysical profiles and have been doing well during their monitoring sessions. I realized today that I might not have too much longer before Anne-Claire and Elise arrive, so I worked hard all day on the first blanket I started knitting soon after being admitted and finished it!! Now I can get busy on the 2nd one, so the babies can each have a blanket made by me while I've waited in the hospital for their birth.
Days 34 & 35
Chris and the girls came to visit this weekend, and we had a great time. Chris brought lunch and dinner from home, which I loved because, as mentioned before, I MISS food from home A LOT! It is so wonderful to have them here. I told Chris today it almost feels like I'm at home when we can just relax and enjoy being together. Anne-Claire and Elise have been doing so well, Dr. D-P told my nurses to leave us alone so that we could spend time together without me having to get on the monitor. Soooo nice! I even got to nap with the girls again, which is sweeter than words. We also went out to the patio and sat in the sunshine while the girls played and Chris read Sherlock Holmes to me. Here are some pics of the girls on the patio.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Week 4: May 4-10
Day 22
It is hard to believe I've made three weeks in the hospital. I praise God for His mercy because the time really has gone by quickly. There is not much new to report except that today Elise's cord had reverse flow, which means instead of being forward flowing or absent, the flow was actually backing up and going the wrong way. Forward is good, absent is not so good, reverse is bad. My doc wasn't overly concerned b/c the cord was between Elise's legs, and the reverse flow was very intermittent. The rest of the ultrasound was very positive--both girls got good biophysical reports.
This morning I began reading Practical Theology for Women: How Knowing God Makes a Difference in our Daily Lives by Wendy Alsup, lent to me by Amanda Ewer. I only got through the preface and the first two chapters but the Lord really spoke to me through Wendy's words. She writes about some trials that she experienced that had grown her faith, which reminded me a lot of our lives right now. The best part of experiencing the challenges of having a difficult pregancy, a husband looking for work, and no place to live come August 1, is being able to testify to God's goodness and provision. In the book, Wendy describes a time when God provided for them and writes, "...humbled not just by what God had done but also by how he had done it. We caught a glimpse of the splendor of God, his sovereign control over the details of life, and his intimate awareness of our lives."
Our family has been praying for a job for Chris for years, knowing that He would continue to provide for our needs just as He's always done. It has been easy to trust God, for the most part because we've always had something come through. This past February our faith was truly tested when the job that Chris had applied for and in which we'd placed all our hope (wrongly certainly) had been cancelled. At the moment when our one good option appeared to be off the table, we came to realize what trusting God is really all about. While it was more difficult to believe, we continued to pray that God would provide for our family and that He would be glorified. Well, this Monday, He showed us His glory when Anderson University made an actual offer to Chris. He will continue to be paid an adjunct faculty rate but will have a full-time faculty teaching load, which does mean more pay. They've also offered a housing allowance and money to cover a moving truck. Because of the full-time teaching load, he'll also be eligible for insurance. When God took away the job the first time, he showed us that our hope should only be in Him. So, our faith increased not only because our hope was put in Christ alone but also because I learned how to stay out of the process. Let me explain--it is my natural tendency to try to do God's job for Him. In other words, I might start job hunting for Chris and encouraging him to apply for things that are not right for him or even going out and getting a job myself, thus manipulating the situation. This time, and with great effort and help from Him, I stayed out of things and let God work, thankful that God gave me the faith necessary to trust Him in this way.
So, while we will be sad beyond words to leave Bloomington, our home for seven years, and most of all our friends and church family, we know that the move to Anderson is what God has for us at this time in our lives. Please be in prayer for the details of the move especially with me in the hospital and join with us in praising God for providing for our family as only He can. One of my biggest prayer requests regarding the move is that we will find a church home where Truth is preached from the Word and where the church family will adopt us in love like Church of the Good Shepherd.
Day 23
Today, unfortunately, the flow in Elise's cord was reversed more persistently and in a spot that was not being visibly pinched by any limbs. Both Anne-Claire and Elise had good fluid levels and movement, so we're just watching the situation to make sure it doesn't progress. In addition, Anne-Claire had some minor but consistent decels, and Elise had a pretty significant decel this morning. Because of the combination of deceleration and reverse flow, I was put on continuous monitoring for at least 24 hours. My doctor said it's possible that these are early signs that my placenta is having trouble keeping up with Elise's needs, so she decided to go ahead and give me a booster of steriods that she was going to order for next week.
The best part of my day was seeing Emma and Charlotte who came up with Anna Chasteen and her kids. I'm so grateful for all the sweet ladies who've brought my girls up to see me. Getting to snuggle them and watch and hear them play brightens my day to no end! I hated to see them go but the separation was pretty easy on the girls, Praise God.
Because of the continuous monitoring, I'm up for a difficult night. Both babies were great all day with no trouble keeping them on the monitor until 11pm. From that point on, my nurse had considerable difficulty even finding Elise. After about three hours of hunting, another nurse was in my room trying to help. She made the comment that Elise would need a spanking at birth for causing so much trouble, and my nurse said she'd be first in line. I responded by revealing that we came very close to losing Elise, and that I'm afraid it might be extra hard to spank her at all and not spoil her rotten. While I don't really think we'll treat Elise differently (at least I pray we don't), it did let the nurses know that I didn't appreciate their frustration over her movement. Throughout the night, my nurse repeatedly said it must be hard for me to undergo all the pulling and pushing and sleeplessness. I didn't but wanted to tell her that there is no end to what a mother will do for her children. I thanked God for the opportunity to suffer for my babies and asked for His strength during my weakness.
Day 24
After finally getting to sleep around 5:30am, my nurse came in at 7:30am to waken me because I had apparently begun contracting. She said I was having 7 in an hour in the beginning and they'd increased to every 5 minutes. She took away my breakfast and wouldn't allow me to take a shower--huge bummer! My doctor arrived shortly with the ultrasound equipment and was pleased to see that everything with the babies looks good. Biophysicals looked great for both, and Elise's cord flow was no longer reversed. It had a little intermittent absent flow but nothing worse than it has been in the past. Dr. D-P was reassured enough by the U/S and the good tracing on the monitor that she took me off the continuous baby monitor. I am still on the contraction monitor, though, which is no big deal. She does not think the contractions are pre-labor because there has been no change to my cervix. If I begin to have more than 6 an hour or anything else changes, then she'll reassess the situation and may give me something to stop the contractions. For now, things are looking good!
Day 25
Today I had four visitors. Barbara and Henry Lehr came this morning and were able to be here for my daily ultrasound. Both babies had good biophysicals and dopplers. It was so nice to get to talk to Barbara in person after three weeks here in the hospital. I only wish she'd been able to stay longer. Then, this afternoon, I was surprised with a visit from two of my pastors: Tim Bayly and Dave Curell. It was very encouraging to see them both. Dave told me about yesterday when Emma and Charlotte were at his and Annie's house. We laughed about Charlotte walking around with one hand slipped into her overalls while swinging the other arm in a Napoleanic manner. He also described how Charlotte (who doesn't know Dave beyond seeing him on Sunday mornings) had lifted her arms to him and laid her head on his shoulder as he sat with her. Such a sweet baby! Then he told me about Emma's response when Chris arrived to pick them up. After running into Chris's arms, she burst into tears and cried for about a minute in a way that suggested an awareness of her loss of her mama over the past few weeks. He was impressed by how quickly she processed her situation and recovered from her grief. Within moments she was running around with Charlotte like a maniac. The story affected me more than I first realized. It hit me that as well as Emma has been dealing with our separation and being with different caregivers each day, she is beginning to show the stress of it all. The ease with which the girls have handled everything has made being here in the hospital a lot more manageable. The knowledge that Emma is having a harder time now is difficult to bear.
Day 26
Today was a pretty rough day. I started having some really awful indigestion over the past couple of days and so far none of the antacids I've tried have done any good. I was up all last night and then it got worse today. Everything I ate was painful. I've also been missing Chris and the girls a lot--I haven't seen the girls since Tuesday. They were supposed to come today but Chris has been so swamped with grading finals and getting his grades in that he's going to wait until tomorrow to come up. I was really disappointed when I learned they wouldn't be coming up today. Chris also had another example of the stress getting to Emma. Today she told Chris she was tired of going to different houses every day and just wanted to go home and take a nap. It breaks my heart to hear that she's having a hard time. I spent a lot of today crying and praying for the Lord to help me keep my focus on the babies and giving them as much time as possible in my womb.
The babies were measured for growth today, and I'm embarrassed to admit, part of me was a little disappointed to not get news that this time might soon be over. Anne-Claire measured 3lbs 8oz (73%) and Elise is 2lbs 3oz (still >3%). Their discordancy increased to 39% because Anne-Claire's rate of growth increased while Elise's stayed exactly the same. My doctor was excited by the results and said we'd just continue the course. While I know they need more time in my womb, the days are getting harder and harder to get through. I have to remind myself that the longer they stay inside me, the shorter our NICU stay will hopefully be. I definitely need prayer right now. Days like this make it obvious that I can't do this on my own strength.
This evening I got to hang out with our new friends in the NICU and it did me a lot of good. To see their tiny little girls encouraged me to remember again why I'm here. I have to continue taking this one day at a time and to try to remember that the babies are my top priority right now. As hard as it is to think of Emma and Charlotte suffering because I'm here away from them, I know that they too will benefit from this refining they're going through. I'm looking forward to seeing them tomorrow.
Day 27
I'm feeling better today both physically and emotionally. I talked to Barbara on the phone and she reminded me that God is not just my God but He's also Emma and Charlotte's God and His plan for us includes them. He is building their faith as they witness and experience these challenges we're facing. She also shared with me that God is using Emma and Charlotte to teach Alice about compassion and loving others above oneself. I am so thankful for friends who can help me see beyond my own discomfort or grief to the eternal.
My ultrasound today was good again. I asked my doctor about whether the positive trend in the babies could be projected to the future. She said she thought we have every reason to think that I'll make it from here (almost 30 weeks) to 32 weeks and maybe farther. We also talked about when I might be able to go back to Bloomington. She said at 31 weeks she'll talk to Dr. Labban (my OB) about his confidence in being able to monitor the babies in Bloomington. She's also going to speak to the neonatologist here about the special care nursery in B-ton and when they might be capable of handling any issues our babies might have at birth. All that means that I could be back in Bloomington in a matter of a couple of weeks if the babies don't arrive before then. Yet another example of how God can bring me out of a low time (the past few days) to such encouragement.
The best part of today was seeing my big girls and my husband. We didn't do anything special but it was incredibly sweet to be able to snuggle and kiss my family. Emma kept asking me if I loved her--It makes me wonder if she's uncertain of my love because of our separation. Please continue to pray for us--especially Emma and Charlotte--that they will not think that I'm gone because they've done something or because I don't love them. Aunt Julie also came up to visit and graciously went and picked up dinner for us from On the Border--delicious!
Day 28
Mother's Day--a day to celebrate mothers and motherhood. It was wonderful to have my family here with me. Emma painted a beautiful flower pot and planted some flowers just for me. Chris, Emma, and Charlotte all made me great cards, which were extra special because they were hand-made. My favorite part of today was getting a chance to snuggle with my big girls as we napped together this afternoon. We used to nap together all the time and I've missed those cuddly moments. It felt almost normal again.
We also had fun outside on the patio. The girls climbed up on some large flat rocks in the garden and sang for us. It was too cute! Even though Charlotte doesn't sing with words, she hums and moves her arms almost like she's conducting or something. Of course, Emma (aka Melodie, Ariel's daughter) cracked us up as she sang a song made up on the fly with all the passion and flair of a real diva. We clapped for them, shouted "Bravo!" and enjoyed the singing over and over again.
The worst part of today was, of course, when Chris and the girls had to leave. Emma was quite upset; although, a large part of her distress was hearing that the Ewer's were coming and she wasn't going to be here to see them. As hard as it is to say good-bye, I have to admit knowing more visitors were coming did make it easier on me. Shortly after they left, the Ewers and half of our small group showed up in my room. It was so nice to see them, hear about their lives, and read the Word and pray together--a great way to end my fourth week in the hospital.
It is hard to believe I've made three weeks in the hospital. I praise God for His mercy because the time really has gone by quickly. There is not much new to report except that today Elise's cord had reverse flow, which means instead of being forward flowing or absent, the flow was actually backing up and going the wrong way. Forward is good, absent is not so good, reverse is bad. My doc wasn't overly concerned b/c the cord was between Elise's legs, and the reverse flow was very intermittent. The rest of the ultrasound was very positive--both girls got good biophysical reports.
This morning I began reading Practical Theology for Women: How Knowing God Makes a Difference in our Daily Lives by Wendy Alsup, lent to me by Amanda Ewer. I only got through the preface and the first two chapters but the Lord really spoke to me through Wendy's words. She writes about some trials that she experienced that had grown her faith, which reminded me a lot of our lives right now. The best part of experiencing the challenges of having a difficult pregancy, a husband looking for work, and no place to live come August 1, is being able to testify to God's goodness and provision. In the book, Wendy describes a time when God provided for them and writes, "...humbled not just by what God had done but also by how he had done it. We caught a glimpse of the splendor of God, his sovereign control over the details of life, and his intimate awareness of our lives."
Our family has been praying for a job for Chris for years, knowing that He would continue to provide for our needs just as He's always done. It has been easy to trust God, for the most part because we've always had something come through. This past February our faith was truly tested when the job that Chris had applied for and in which we'd placed all our hope (wrongly certainly) had been cancelled. At the moment when our one good option appeared to be off the table, we came to realize what trusting God is really all about. While it was more difficult to believe, we continued to pray that God would provide for our family and that He would be glorified. Well, this Monday, He showed us His glory when Anderson University made an actual offer to Chris. He will continue to be paid an adjunct faculty rate but will have a full-time faculty teaching load, which does mean more pay. They've also offered a housing allowance and money to cover a moving truck. Because of the full-time teaching load, he'll also be eligible for insurance. When God took away the job the first time, he showed us that our hope should only be in Him. So, our faith increased not only because our hope was put in Christ alone but also because I learned how to stay out of the process. Let me explain--it is my natural tendency to try to do God's job for Him. In other words, I might start job hunting for Chris and encouraging him to apply for things that are not right for him or even going out and getting a job myself, thus manipulating the situation. This time, and with great effort and help from Him, I stayed out of things and let God work, thankful that God gave me the faith necessary to trust Him in this way.
So, while we will be sad beyond words to leave Bloomington, our home for seven years, and most of all our friends and church family, we know that the move to Anderson is what God has for us at this time in our lives. Please be in prayer for the details of the move especially with me in the hospital and join with us in praising God for providing for our family as only He can. One of my biggest prayer requests regarding the move is that we will find a church home where Truth is preached from the Word and where the church family will adopt us in love like Church of the Good Shepherd.
Day 23
Today, unfortunately, the flow in Elise's cord was reversed more persistently and in a spot that was not being visibly pinched by any limbs. Both Anne-Claire and Elise had good fluid levels and movement, so we're just watching the situation to make sure it doesn't progress. In addition, Anne-Claire had some minor but consistent decels, and Elise had a pretty significant decel this morning. Because of the combination of deceleration and reverse flow, I was put on continuous monitoring for at least 24 hours. My doctor said it's possible that these are early signs that my placenta is having trouble keeping up with Elise's needs, so she decided to go ahead and give me a booster of steriods that she was going to order for next week.
The best part of my day was seeing Emma and Charlotte who came up with Anna Chasteen and her kids. I'm so grateful for all the sweet ladies who've brought my girls up to see me. Getting to snuggle them and watch and hear them play brightens my day to no end! I hated to see them go but the separation was pretty easy on the girls, Praise God.
Because of the continuous monitoring, I'm up for a difficult night. Both babies were great all day with no trouble keeping them on the monitor until 11pm. From that point on, my nurse had considerable difficulty even finding Elise. After about three hours of hunting, another nurse was in my room trying to help. She made the comment that Elise would need a spanking at birth for causing so much trouble, and my nurse said she'd be first in line. I responded by revealing that we came very close to losing Elise, and that I'm afraid it might be extra hard to spank her at all and not spoil her rotten. While I don't really think we'll treat Elise differently (at least I pray we don't), it did let the nurses know that I didn't appreciate their frustration over her movement. Throughout the night, my nurse repeatedly said it must be hard for me to undergo all the pulling and pushing and sleeplessness. I didn't but wanted to tell her that there is no end to what a mother will do for her children. I thanked God for the opportunity to suffer for my babies and asked for His strength during my weakness.
Day 24
After finally getting to sleep around 5:30am, my nurse came in at 7:30am to waken me because I had apparently begun contracting. She said I was having 7 in an hour in the beginning and they'd increased to every 5 minutes. She took away my breakfast and wouldn't allow me to take a shower--huge bummer! My doctor arrived shortly with the ultrasound equipment and was pleased to see that everything with the babies looks good. Biophysicals looked great for both, and Elise's cord flow was no longer reversed. It had a little intermittent absent flow but nothing worse than it has been in the past. Dr. D-P was reassured enough by the U/S and the good tracing on the monitor that she took me off the continuous baby monitor. I am still on the contraction monitor, though, which is no big deal. She does not think the contractions are pre-labor because there has been no change to my cervix. If I begin to have more than 6 an hour or anything else changes, then she'll reassess the situation and may give me something to stop the contractions. For now, things are looking good!
Day 25
Today I had four visitors. Barbara and Henry Lehr came this morning and were able to be here for my daily ultrasound. Both babies had good biophysicals and dopplers. It was so nice to get to talk to Barbara in person after three weeks here in the hospital. I only wish she'd been able to stay longer. Then, this afternoon, I was surprised with a visit from two of my pastors: Tim Bayly and Dave Curell. It was very encouraging to see them both. Dave told me about yesterday when Emma and Charlotte were at his and Annie's house. We laughed about Charlotte walking around with one hand slipped into her overalls while swinging the other arm in a Napoleanic manner. He also described how Charlotte (who doesn't know Dave beyond seeing him on Sunday mornings) had lifted her arms to him and laid her head on his shoulder as he sat with her. Such a sweet baby! Then he told me about Emma's response when Chris arrived to pick them up. After running into Chris's arms, she burst into tears and cried for about a minute in a way that suggested an awareness of her loss of her mama over the past few weeks. He was impressed by how quickly she processed her situation and recovered from her grief. Within moments she was running around with Charlotte like a maniac. The story affected me more than I first realized. It hit me that as well as Emma has been dealing with our separation and being with different caregivers each day, she is beginning to show the stress of it all. The ease with which the girls have handled everything has made being here in the hospital a lot more manageable. The knowledge that Emma is having a harder time now is difficult to bear.
Day 26
Today was a pretty rough day. I started having some really awful indigestion over the past couple of days and so far none of the antacids I've tried have done any good. I was up all last night and then it got worse today. Everything I ate was painful. I've also been missing Chris and the girls a lot--I haven't seen the girls since Tuesday. They were supposed to come today but Chris has been so swamped with grading finals and getting his grades in that he's going to wait until tomorrow to come up. I was really disappointed when I learned they wouldn't be coming up today. Chris also had another example of the stress getting to Emma. Today she told Chris she was tired of going to different houses every day and just wanted to go home and take a nap. It breaks my heart to hear that she's having a hard time. I spent a lot of today crying and praying for the Lord to help me keep my focus on the babies and giving them as much time as possible in my womb.
The babies were measured for growth today, and I'm embarrassed to admit, part of me was a little disappointed to not get news that this time might soon be over. Anne-Claire measured 3lbs 8oz (73%) and Elise is 2lbs 3oz (still >3%). Their discordancy increased to 39% because Anne-Claire's rate of growth increased while Elise's stayed exactly the same. My doctor was excited by the results and said we'd just continue the course. While I know they need more time in my womb, the days are getting harder and harder to get through. I have to remind myself that the longer they stay inside me, the shorter our NICU stay will hopefully be. I definitely need prayer right now. Days like this make it obvious that I can't do this on my own strength.
This evening I got to hang out with our new friends in the NICU and it did me a lot of good. To see their tiny little girls encouraged me to remember again why I'm here. I have to continue taking this one day at a time and to try to remember that the babies are my top priority right now. As hard as it is to think of Emma and Charlotte suffering because I'm here away from them, I know that they too will benefit from this refining they're going through. I'm looking forward to seeing them tomorrow.
Day 27
I'm feeling better today both physically and emotionally. I talked to Barbara on the phone and she reminded me that God is not just my God but He's also Emma and Charlotte's God and His plan for us includes them. He is building their faith as they witness and experience these challenges we're facing. She also shared with me that God is using Emma and Charlotte to teach Alice about compassion and loving others above oneself. I am so thankful for friends who can help me see beyond my own discomfort or grief to the eternal.
My ultrasound today was good again. I asked my doctor about whether the positive trend in the babies could be projected to the future. She said she thought we have every reason to think that I'll make it from here (almost 30 weeks) to 32 weeks and maybe farther. We also talked about when I might be able to go back to Bloomington. She said at 31 weeks she'll talk to Dr. Labban (my OB) about his confidence in being able to monitor the babies in Bloomington. She's also going to speak to the neonatologist here about the special care nursery in B-ton and when they might be capable of handling any issues our babies might have at birth. All that means that I could be back in Bloomington in a matter of a couple of weeks if the babies don't arrive before then. Yet another example of how God can bring me out of a low time (the past few days) to such encouragement.
The best part of today was seeing my big girls and my husband. We didn't do anything special but it was incredibly sweet to be able to snuggle and kiss my family. Emma kept asking me if I loved her--It makes me wonder if she's uncertain of my love because of our separation. Please continue to pray for us--especially Emma and Charlotte--that they will not think that I'm gone because they've done something or because I don't love them. Aunt Julie also came up to visit and graciously went and picked up dinner for us from On the Border--delicious!
Day 28
Mother's Day--a day to celebrate mothers and motherhood. It was wonderful to have my family here with me. Emma painted a beautiful flower pot and planted some flowers just for me. Chris, Emma, and Charlotte all made me great cards, which were extra special because they were hand-made. My favorite part of today was getting a chance to snuggle with my big girls as we napped together this afternoon. We used to nap together all the time and I've missed those cuddly moments. It felt almost normal again.
We also had fun outside on the patio. The girls climbed up on some large flat rocks in the garden and sang for us. It was too cute! Even though Charlotte doesn't sing with words, she hums and moves her arms almost like she's conducting or something. Of course, Emma (aka Melodie, Ariel's daughter) cracked us up as she sang a song made up on the fly with all the passion and flair of a real diva. We clapped for them, shouted "Bravo!" and enjoyed the singing over and over again.
The worst part of today was, of course, when Chris and the girls had to leave. Emma was quite upset; although, a large part of her distress was hearing that the Ewer's were coming and she wasn't going to be here to see them. As hard as it is to say good-bye, I have to admit knowing more visitors were coming did make it easier on me. Shortly after they left, the Ewers and half of our small group showed up in my room. It was so nice to see them, hear about their lives, and read the Word and pray together--a great way to end my fourth week in the hospital.
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