I was woken up at 2am to be monitored for an hour, and about ten minutes before it was time to take me off, Elise had another significant decel. Over the next few hours she had a couple more decels including one that was particularly scary. Elise's heartrate (normally in the 150s) went down into the 60s and wouldn't come back up. My nurse flipped me from one side to the other because that can often help; unfortunately, this didn't work for Elise. The nurse finally had me get up on all fours and put me on oxygen, and Elise's heartrate finally came back up. The nurses were having a hard time, as usual, keeping the babies on the monitor, so they had the monitors strapped on so tightly I could barely breathe. At one time, I had three nurses pulling on straps and pushing on monitors--I felt like I had no control and completely forgotten. A nurse from my doctor's office came in and held my hand. Her compassion overwhelmed me and tears began streaming down my face. She truly was Christ to me in that moment.
Throughout the day, I remained on the monitor, and my contractions became more regular. I was contracting every 5 minutes, but, thankfully, Elise had no more drastic decels. Both babies had slight decels during contractions, though, so my doctor wanted to stop them. She decided to put me on magnesium sulfate. In order to load me up with the mag, I was given what is called a bolus of the drug in 20 minutes. I was warned that I would feel hot during the bolus, but nothing could have prepared me for what it actually felt like. I literally felt like I was on fire--even my eyeballs burned. The heat was awful, and then my limbs became so heavy I could not lift them. I felt lightheaded and thought I would pass out. As I cried out to God, I thought that even this was worth it for my babies. Finally, after 20 minutes, the bolus was completed and the magnesium drip was lessened. I began feeling better almost immediately. Shortly thereafter, I was allowed to eat and drink again and was finally able to get some rest. When I went to sleep at 9:30pm, I felt fine.
Day 9
My nurse woke me up at around midnight for monitoring, and I felt like I had some indigestion. I asked for some Sprite but felt no relief from the pain in my chest. My nurse put the monitors on me and left me saying she'd be back in an hour. I might have been able to rest during that hour but Elise would not stay on the monitor. For fear of having to remain on the monitor for more than an hour if we didn't get a good strip on Elise, I held her on the entire time. My nurse returned at the completion of an hour, and I asked for more Sprite and for Maalox because of the discomfort I felt. I began to feel nauseous and did get sick. I thought I would feel better, so I laid back down to sleep until the next monitoring. I was put back on the monitor at 4am and felt even worse. Before the hour was up I had to call my nurse back because I got sick again. I asked her to take my temperature because I felt like I had the flu. What I thought was indigestion was really bad, and I was nauseous and really weak. I also felt my heart pounding, so I also asked my nurse to check my pulse. She said it was a little high but not unusual for me. When I laid down around 5:30am, I was really miserable. I didn't feel like my nurse was very concerned so I just laid in my bed, praying and waiting for the next shift to begin at 7am. My chest was hurting so badly, I decided it couldn't be indigestion but must be something more serious. I actually thought I was having a heart attack and that I was dying. I was incredibly weak and could barely move my arms and legs.
When my nurse came in at 7am, the first words out of my mouth were, "My chest really hurts." The new nurse said that chest pain is a reaction to magnesium, which made me feel better about my situation. She began trying to locate my doctor and doing things to help me. The pain felt a lot like contractions except that it was in my chest. I could feel my chest tightening and the pain was unbearable. It felt like someone was sitting on my chest. The pain radiated from the middle of my chest to my back and shoulders. I also had a hard time taking in a breath because of the pain. The oxygen level in my blood was low, so I was put on oxygen. The magnesium was stopped and soon my pain became intermittent rather than persistent. I was put through a series of tests to make sure that I didn't have a pulmonary embolism, or blood clot in my lungs, including a chest x-ray and spiral CAT scan. I also had my blood-gas level tested, which required a blood draw that is particularly painful because the blood is drawn from an artery. I've had it done once before so I was prepared for the discomfort. This time, however, would be different because a student came in to try. I got nervous when her supervisor began showing her how to find the artery and told her to make sure not to hit my bone. As she stuck me, I was in the middle of a contraction and a wave of chest pain. She did some digging before giving up and pulling out. Her supervisor was able to get the blood drawn, but I ended up with a pretty serious bruise on my wrist. All of the tests came back negative, so my doctor allowed me to eat and drink again by mid-afternoon. Ultimately, it looked like I had had a bad reaction to the magnesium.
Through everything, I was thankful for God's strength and was able to meditate on 2 Corinthians 12:9--I could boast in my weakness because it provided an opportunity for God to be glorified and His power to be perfected. I was also thankful that Chris was here by my side. His quiet strength also kept me calm in the midst of pain and weakness. When he left that evening, I was feeling much better and looking forward to a visit from the girls the next day.
Days 10 & 11
Chris had gotten a substitute for his classes so that he could bring the girls up to see me. Unfortunately, when I talked to him in the morning, I learned that Charlotte had run a fever all night. They would not be able to come up. I was very sad, to say the least. The news set me up for two pretty hard days emotionally. I cried a lot on both Wednesday and Thursday. I was sad because I missed my family but also because I hated being away from Charlotte while she was sick. I could also sense that Chris was overwhelmed from being up all night with Charlotte and from her neediness. She wanted to be held constantly and wanted Chris exclusively. He was having a hard time, which made it that much harder on me being so far away and helpless. I felt badly because my daughter was sick and I wasn't there. I had to remind myself that while Charlotte does need me; right now, Anne-Claire and Elise need me more because no one else can do for them what I can--be their incubator.
Barbara pointed out God's mercy in that on the days that have been most medically challenging, I have not had to deal with the emotional distress that I've experienced the past two days. He promises to not give me more than I can bear, and He's proven Himself faithful yet again. I know that I'm here for a reason and that every day is a gift from God. We've almost made it to 28 weeks, our original goal. Praise God! I continue to take it one day at a time and have nearly 2 weeks of hospitalization under my belt.
Day 12
Today was better in every way. The babies continue to do well, and Chris came for a visit on his way home. I know he'll be back tomorrow with Emma and Charlotte!!
Days 13 & 14
The babies look really good on their ultrasound. I asked my doctor if she thought our chances of making it past 28 weeks were good and she said they were. She also said that if we make it to 32 weeks then I might be able to be transferred to the hospital in Bloomington! She also said that I didn't have to continue my morning monitoring because the babies looked so good on the ultrasound!
Chris, Emma, and Charlotte arrived around lunch time, and it was wonderful to see them. They brought the dresses that Aunt Dorothy and Uncle Brian sent them and were able to dress up for me. Emma got an Ariel dress with "a real tail." She demonstrated her diving abilities, which involved jumping up with her hands in a diving position, landing in a squat, and lying on her tummy on the ground. Sweetness! Charlotte was more interested in cuddling with me (which I loved) than in trying her Little Red Riding Hood or Swan Princess costumes on. Emma, however, put the Little Red Riding Hood outfit on and looked hilarious. The dress was a size 12-18 months, so it was quite short on Emma. She had fun playacting the fairytale, though. I was the Grandmother sick in bed and Chris was the Big Bad Wolf. Chris had packed a lunch, so we were able to go to the patio to eat and enjoy watching the girls play. As the day wore on, Chris decided to go ahead and spend the night in the hotel across the street. Emma kept saying, "I'm so excited! We don't have to leave." Emma wanted me to teach her to knit so I got her started and then watched her do her best. She was so proud of the tangled mess she made--I loved it! I had Emma on one side of me, knitting away, and Charlotte on my other snuggling next to me. I was in heaven!
They came back early on Sunday and we had another good day. We spent more time outside on the patio in the sunshine. It is such a joy to see the girls playing and to be able to hug and kiss them. I also witnessed Charlotte crawl into Chris's lap when she got tired and fall asleep. I am so thankful that they have such a close relationship with their daddy and that it will only be closer because of this time while I'm away. Chris has always been a good daddy but my love and respect for my husband has increased exponentially since my hospitalization. He told me this week, "I don't know why anyone would choose to do this on their own." I would not be able to parent my girls by myself with the same grace and ease that he has shown. I praise God for giving me Chris and for giving him the faith and strength to do what he's being asked to do now.
I was sad when it came time for Chris and the girls to leave, but knowing that Kim (who's watching the girls tomorrow) was planning on bringing them up to see me, made the separation easier on Emma and me. Both girls gave me big hugs and kisses, and Emma said, "I'll see you the next time I come."
It was lonely as usual after they left but I decided to work on this blog and that kept me busy. My night shift nurse came in around 9pm to put me back on the monitor. Around 10:30pm, I called her to see why I was still being monitored and she told me that Elise had a significant decel around 9:30pm. She was going to keep me on the monitor for a while longer. She finally spoke to the on-call doctor around 11:45pm, and he said she could take me off the monitor but would have to put me back on at 4am. I was disappointed but decided to try to hurry up and go to sleep since I only had a few hours. As I prayed for God's protection of Elise and Anne-Claire, I also praised Him for giving me these two weeks in the hospital and 28 weeks of pregnancy. I'll be 28 weeks on Tuesday!
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