Week 1 in Hospital (April 13-19)

Day 1, April 13, 2009

Today was extremely difficult--more difficult than I could have imagined. My room is lovely--it doesn't look anything like a hospital room. Here is a link to a video of the maternity unit at Community Hospital North: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uX_K9TXtBlU. As nice as it is, though, it's not home because my husband and daughters aren't here. When they left, I thought my heart might break. Emma had a really hard time leaving until a nurse offered her a popsicle and then she stopped crying. Charlotte just gave me a kiss and said, "Bye-bye." I was a mess, so that might have made it harder for Emma. I didn't want to let go of her. Chris was wonderful and told me they'd be back soon and would call me when they got home. Thankfully, a nurse was here to ask a ton of admission questions that helped give me something else to think about. When she left, though, and I was all alone, I felt like I did when my mom left me at college for the first time--completely alone and terrified. I cried out to God to give me the strength I would need to get through this because I knew that I could not do this on my own. A prayer I've needed countless times throughout this challenge and will need countless more, no doubt.



Day 2


As it turned out, I would need that prayer and God's strength again my first morning in the hospital. I had been on continuous monitoring for most of Monday and then allowed to go to sleep for a while before being put back on the monitor. At one point early in the morning, Elise's heart had a serious deceleration that lasted long enough to cause concern. My nurse came in and said I'd just bought myself continuous monitoring. I didn't quite understand what she meant until she put the oxygen mask on me and pointed out on the monitor what had just happened. By God's grace, I did not freak out but simply lay in my bed, breathing the oxygen in and praying for His hand to be upon Elise. I also prayed that anyone that happened to be awake at that hour (around 5am) would feel the urge to pray for us at that moment. Her heart rate increased and my doctor came in to do an ultrasound to check to see what was going on. Elise had change positions, so my doc thought that perhaps she'd laid on her cord or squeezed it too much during the decel. Elise was moving around and her dopplers looked stable, so she wasn't overly concerned. She did want to keep me on the monitor, though, which made for a difficult day. Basically, I was forced to lie very still for most of the day to keep the babies on the monitors. Not being able to move was difficult because it made my back ache and my body hurt. Again, I was in need of God's strength. 2 Corinthians 12:9 came to mind: "And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me."

Days 3 & 4

I was put back on 1Q4 monitoring, which means they monitor the babies for 1 hour every 4 hours. I'm very grateful because continuous monitoring stinks. What makes all monitoring difficult is what makes my heart smile--lots of movement by Anne-Claire and Elise. The babies move so much that the nurses get frustrated trying to keep them on the monitors. I love to see that they are moving like crazy because active babies are healthy babies. One of my nurses was quite young, not married, no children and got visibly upset with the difficulty the babies were giving her trying to monitor them. I wanted to tell her, "Please don't get upset about their movement. Just weeks ago, we thought we might lose one or both of them. Their activity means a lot when we've come so close to losing them." Since that experience, I try to make a point of letting the nurses know what we've been through to get this far, so they know how important the girls' movement is to us. So far, most of the nurses have been kind and understanding. I told one nurse that I thought no one wanted to be my nurse because monitoring was so difficult, and she said I was wrong. She told me that I was the patient everyone wanted because lots of movement means healthy babies, so they don't have to worry about my girls. That was nice to hear even though I know that there are some nurses who don't like monitoring my girls--one nurse told me she'd heard about my twins in the locker room. I can't let comments like that get to me because whatever anyone thinks, I'll always be happy to hear my girls are active.

Day 5

Lisa Boles brought Emma and Charlotte to see me today!! I hadn't seen them since Monday. It was wonderful to wrap my arms around them and to kiss their sweet faces. Everyday without them seems like an eternity, but I just remind myself of why I'm here and that lessens the burden a little bit. I was concerned that Charlotte might be afraid to let go of me for fear of leaving again, but happily, she was confident and able to get down to play. Even when it was time for them to leave, she had no problem saying good-bye. As hard as it is for me to see them go, it makes me feel good to know that she is not miserable without me. Chris surprised me with the news that they would be spending the night at the hotel across the street so they could stay longer and come back sooner. Emma was very excited to learn they were staying in a hotel. Chris brought several dress up dresses and music so the girls could dance for me--something I've missed this week.

Days 6 & 7

Chris and the girls were here all weekend, and it was wonderful! The girls did very well and were pretty well behaved most of the time. We were able to go outside to the patio that is available to patients on this floor. It was nice to go outside and enjoy the sunshine. Emma and Charlotte had a blast collecting rocks and pretending to be Melody and Flounder--I was Ariel, Melody's mom, Emma was Melody, and Charlotte got to be Flounder. Chris was also part of the act as Prince Eric. Sunday, was hard because Emma and I were both saddened by the thought that they would be leaving. We tried to make the most of the time, but, unfortunately, our day was cut short because Emma was having a hard time being obedient. They ended up leaving earlier than expected, which was hard on all of us. Again, my only comfort was Christ and He faithfully heard my cries.

Around 4pm, I was back on the monitor, and Elise had another significant deceleration. My nurse also noticed I was having pretty consistent contractions. When she pointed a contraction out to me, I realized that what I thought was movement by the babies was actually tightening of my uterus. The doctor on call decided to keep me on the monitor for the rest of the day and ordered that I be given a shot of Terbutaline, a drug to stop contractions. It appeared that both girls were having decelerations during each contraction, which made the doctor think they were not handling being squeezed very well. By bedtime, the doctor decided I could be taken of continuous monitoring but would need to be woken up during the night every four hours for monitoring. I went to sleep feeling hopeful that everything would be fine.