Delivery Day! May 26, 2009

I haven't even finished last week's entry and have exciting news for this week! I've been on continous monitoring since Saturday because Elise has been having frequent decels. This morning she wasn't moving during my ultrasound (She got 4 out of 8 on her biophysical) so my doctor said today is delivery day! The girls are 32 weeks today, so hopefully they will not have too long of a stay in the NICU. I'm supposed to be going back to the OR at noon and will be seeing our girls shortly after that. Please be in prayer for all of us!

Week 5: May 11-17

Day 29

Today marked the end of 4 weeks in the hospital. I remember as the day approached for me to be admitted, I thought, "I just need to get through April." Then as my 28th week approached and April ended, I thought, "I just need to get through May." Now here I am, half-way through the month of May. I'm so thankful that I've made it through these 4 weeks in the hospital and the 2 months since my amnioreduction. Chris, Emma, Charlotte, Anne-Claire, Elise, and I would not be here if not for God's mercy and faithfulness. We owe Him all the glory for these weeks and for the lives of our babies.

It also goes without saying that we could not have survived the emotional roller coaster of these past 2 months, were it not for the support of our wonderful friends and church family. The other day I was at the support group for long-term hospitalized moms run by two nurses here at the hospital. One nurse who has been here for 20 years or more said she has never seen a patient with the kind of support I have. It delights my soul to have the love of Christ seen by others as a result of my weakness.

Baby Update: Both girls got scores of 8 out of 8 on their biophysical profiles. Unfortunately, during my afternoon monitoring session, Elise had a decel that caused my doctor to put me on continuous monitoring. She's going to leave me on throughout the night, which makes sleeping difficult. Elise has done this so many times, I'm pretty confident that nothing major is going on, but as my doctor reminded me, this is why I'm here in the hospital--to be monitored closely in case something does happen that requires a quick delivery.

Day 30

30 weeks today!! Praise God! Even though it was a hard day because I was on the monitor all night last night and most of today, I am so thankful to be here celebrating this 30 week milestone. Dr. Dungy-Poythress, Dr. Skannal, Melissa, and Angela (all from Maternal Fetal Medicine) came by this afternoon to celebrate with me. The whole office signed a card for me, and they brought me two lovely-smelling candles, which I can't light because it's against hospital rules. The best part of their surprise, however, was being released from continuous monitoring! I was also treated to a quick visit from my friend, Jen, on her way up to see her girls in the NICU. She brought me a great celebration balloon with the caption: "30...the party continues." She also gave me a reuseable water bottle filled with peanut M&Ms--yummy! She added the M&Ms because a friend with twins claims they made a huge difference in the sizes of her babies. I think it's definitely worth a shot!

Day 31

I had an emotional day today because Chris and the girls were supposed to visit today but had to cancel because of the thunderstorms that came through. I was really disappointed because I'm missing them like crazy. I know that it was not a good idea for them to come in this weather but still sad. I did get a visit from my friend, Christy, who delivered fraternal twins at 34 weeks gestation about a week before I was admitted. It was sweet to see and hold a little baby again. I even got to give Benjamin his bottle. It made me very ready to snuggle my own babies. Speaking of my own babies, both Anne-Claire and Elise continue doing well. Praise God!

Day 32

Today was exciting because our family was invited to participate in a photo shoot for a new program at Maternal Fetal Medicine for mothers-to-be who are expecting multiples. I was a little hesitant to agree to be photographed in my present condition and size, but ultimately, figured it wouldn't be so bad. Chris and the girls walked in during the shoot, so my doctor asked if Emma and Charlotte could be in some of the shots. They also took some with Chris, which were fun to do with all 6 of us. In one picture, the photographer asked Emma how many babies were in Mommy's belly, and she said "two" but put up three fingers. The look on my face was hilarious. I hope that we get some of the pictures to keep because they were pretty cute. I have been asked several times by family in Texas for an updated pic of my baby belly. Chris kept forgetting to bring the camera but did bring it today, so here is a shot of me and the belly at 30 weeks.




We also got a couple of cute shots of Emma and Charlotte while they were here.




Day 33

I had very few visitors this week, but today had tons! My pastors, Tim and Dave, came back for a visit this week, which was so nice. I love getting to see friends from home! Julie also came by after work today and brought me yummy dinner from On the Border, chocolate, and a fun magazine. While she was here, more friends, Rob and Suzanne, also came by. I never knew how much I would appreciate having adult conversation. I love hearing what is going on in my friends' lives while I'm in here--the hospital is something of a time warp. For example, I can't believe how many babies have been born/adopted at CGS since I was admitted! My babies are still doing great--they continue to get 8 out of 8 on their biophysical profiles and have been doing well during their monitoring sessions. I realized today that I might not have too much longer before Anne-Claire and Elise arrive, so I worked hard all day on the first blanket I started knitting soon after being admitted and finished it!! Now I can get busy on the 2nd one, so the babies can each have a blanket made by me while I've waited in the hospital for their birth.


Days 34 & 35


Chris and the girls came to visit this weekend, and we had a great time. Chris brought lunch and dinner from home, which I loved because, as mentioned before, I MISS food from home A LOT! It is so wonderful to have them here. I told Chris today it almost feels like I'm at home when we can just relax and enjoy being together. Anne-Claire and Elise have been doing so well, Dr. D-P told my nurses to leave us alone so that we could spend time together without me having to get on the monitor. Soooo nice! I even got to nap with the girls again, which is sweeter than words. We also went out to the patio and sat in the sunshine while the girls played and Chris read Sherlock Holmes to me. Here are some pics of the girls on the patio.

Week 4: May 4-10

Day 22

It is hard to believe I've made three weeks in the hospital. I praise God for His mercy because the time really has gone by quickly. There is not much new to report except that today Elise's cord had reverse flow, which means instead of being forward flowing or absent, the flow was actually backing up and going the wrong way. Forward is good, absent is not so good, reverse is bad. My doc wasn't overly concerned b/c the cord was between Elise's legs, and the reverse flow was very intermittent. The rest of the ultrasound was very positive--both girls got good biophysical reports.


This morning I began reading Practical Theology for Women: How Knowing God Makes a Difference in our Daily Lives by Wendy Alsup, lent to me by Amanda Ewer. I only got through the preface and the first two chapters but the Lord really spoke to me through Wendy's words. She writes about some trials that she experienced that had grown her faith, which reminded me a lot of our lives right now. The best part of experiencing the challenges of having a difficult pregancy, a husband looking for work, and no place to live come August 1, is being able to testify to God's goodness and provision. In the book, Wendy describes a time when God provided for them and writes, "...humbled not just by what God had done but also by how he had done it. We caught a glimpse of the splendor of God, his sovereign control over the details of life, and his intimate awareness of our lives."


Our family has been praying for a job for Chris for years, knowing that He would continue to provide for our needs just as He's always done. It has been easy to trust God, for the most part because we've always had something come through. This past February our faith was truly tested when the job that Chris had applied for and in which we'd placed all our hope (wrongly certainly) had been cancelled. At the moment when our one good option appeared to be off the table, we came to realize what trusting God is really all about. While it was more difficult to believe, we continued to pray that God would provide for our family and that He would be glorified. Well, this Monday, He showed us His glory when Anderson University made an actual offer to Chris. He will continue to be paid an adjunct faculty rate but will have a full-time faculty teaching load, which does mean more pay. They've also offered a housing allowance and money to cover a moving truck. Because of the full-time teaching load, he'll also be eligible for insurance. When God took away the job the first time, he showed us that our hope should only be in Him. So, our faith increased not only because our hope was put in Christ alone but also because I learned how to stay out of the process. Let me explain--it is my natural tendency to try to do God's job for Him. In other words, I might start job hunting for Chris and encouraging him to apply for things that are not right for him or even going out and getting a job myself, thus manipulating the situation. This time, and with great effort and help from Him, I stayed out of things and let God work, thankful that God gave me the faith necessary to trust Him in this way.


So, while we will be sad beyond words to leave Bloomington, our home for seven years, and most of all our friends and church family, we know that the move to Anderson is what God has for us at this time in our lives. Please be in prayer for the details of the move especially with me in the hospital and join with us in praising God for providing for our family as only He can. One of my biggest prayer requests regarding the move is that we will find a church home where Truth is preached from the Word and where the church family will adopt us in love like Church of the Good Shepherd.


Day 23


Today, unfortunately, the flow in Elise's cord was reversed more persistently and in a spot that was not being visibly pinched by any limbs. Both Anne-Claire and Elise had good fluid levels and movement, so we're just watching the situation to make sure it doesn't progress. In addition, Anne-Claire had some minor but consistent decels, and Elise had a pretty significant decel this morning. Because of the combination of deceleration and reverse flow, I was put on continuous monitoring for at least 24 hours. My doctor said it's possible that these are early signs that my placenta is having trouble keeping up with Elise's needs, so she decided to go ahead and give me a booster of steriods that she was going to order for next week.


The best part of my day was seeing Emma and Charlotte who came up with Anna Chasteen and her kids. I'm so grateful for all the sweet ladies who've brought my girls up to see me. Getting to snuggle them and watch and hear them play brightens my day to no end! I hated to see them go but the separation was pretty easy on the girls, Praise God.


Because of the continuous monitoring, I'm up for a difficult night. Both babies were great all day with no trouble keeping them on the monitor until 11pm. From that point on, my nurse had considerable difficulty even finding Elise. After about three hours of hunting, another nurse was in my room trying to help. She made the comment that Elise would need a spanking at birth for causing so much trouble, and my nurse said she'd be first in line. I responded by revealing that we came very close to losing Elise, and that I'm afraid it might be extra hard to spank her at all and not spoil her rotten. While I don't really think we'll treat Elise differently (at least I pray we don't), it did let the nurses know that I didn't appreciate their frustration over her movement. Throughout the night, my nurse repeatedly said it must be hard for me to undergo all the pulling and pushing and sleeplessness. I didn't but wanted to tell her that there is no end to what a mother will do for her children. I thanked God for the opportunity to suffer for my babies and asked for His strength during my weakness.


Day 24


After finally getting to sleep around 5:30am, my nurse came in at 7:30am to waken me because I had apparently begun contracting. She said I was having 7 in an hour in the beginning and they'd increased to every 5 minutes. She took away my breakfast and wouldn't allow me to take a shower--huge bummer! My doctor arrived shortly with the ultrasound equipment and was pleased to see that everything with the babies looks good. Biophysicals looked great for both, and Elise's cord flow was no longer reversed. It had a little intermittent absent flow but nothing worse than it has been in the past. Dr. D-P was reassured enough by the U/S and the good tracing on the monitor that she took me off the continuous baby monitor. I am still on the contraction monitor, though, which is no big deal. She does not think the contractions are pre-labor because there has been no change to my cervix. If I begin to have more than 6 an hour or anything else changes, then she'll reassess the situation and may give me something to stop the contractions. For now, things are looking good!


Day 25


Today I had four visitors. Barbara and Henry Lehr came this morning and were able to be here for my daily ultrasound. Both babies had good biophysicals and dopplers. It was so nice to get to talk to Barbara in person after three weeks here in the hospital. I only wish she'd been able to stay longer. Then, this afternoon, I was surprised with a visit from two of my pastors: Tim Bayly and Dave Curell. It was very encouraging to see them both. Dave told me about yesterday when Emma and Charlotte were at his and Annie's house. We laughed about Charlotte walking around with one hand slipped into her overalls while swinging the other arm in a Napoleanic manner. He also described how Charlotte (who doesn't know Dave beyond seeing him on Sunday mornings) had lifted her arms to him and laid her head on his shoulder as he sat with her. Such a sweet baby! Then he told me about Emma's response when Chris arrived to pick them up. After running into Chris's arms, she burst into tears and cried for about a minute in a way that suggested an awareness of her loss of her mama over the past few weeks. He was impressed by how quickly she processed her situation and recovered from her grief. Within moments she was running around with Charlotte like a maniac. The story affected me more than I first realized. It hit me that as well as Emma has been dealing with our separation and being with different caregivers each day, she is beginning to show the stress of it all. The ease with which the girls have handled everything has made being here in the hospital a lot more manageable. The knowledge that Emma is having a harder time now is difficult to bear.


Day 26


Today was a pretty rough day. I started having some really awful indigestion over the past couple of days and so far none of the antacids I've tried have done any good. I was up all last night and then it got worse today. Everything I ate was painful. I've also been missing Chris and the girls a lot--I haven't seen the girls since Tuesday. They were supposed to come today but Chris has been so swamped with grading finals and getting his grades in that he's going to wait until tomorrow to come up. I was really disappointed when I learned they wouldn't be coming up today. Chris also had another example of the stress getting to Emma. Today she told Chris she was tired of going to different houses every day and just wanted to go home and take a nap. It breaks my heart to hear that she's having a hard time. I spent a lot of today crying and praying for the Lord to help me keep my focus on the babies and giving them as much time as possible in my womb.


The babies were measured for growth today, and I'm embarrassed to admit, part of me was a little disappointed to not get news that this time might soon be over. Anne-Claire measured 3lbs 8oz (73%) and Elise is 2lbs 3oz (still >3%). Their discordancy increased to 39% because Anne-Claire's rate of growth increased while Elise's stayed exactly the same. My doctor was excited by the results and said we'd just continue the course. While I know they need more time in my womb, the days are getting harder and harder to get through. I have to remind myself that the longer they stay inside me, the shorter our NICU stay will hopefully be. I definitely need prayer right now. Days like this make it obvious that I can't do this on my own strength.


This evening I got to hang out with our new friends in the NICU and it did me a lot of good. To see their tiny little girls encouraged me to remember again why I'm here. I have to continue taking this one day at a time and to try to remember that the babies are my top priority right now. As hard as it is to think of Emma and Charlotte suffering because I'm here away from them, I know that they too will benefit from this refining they're going through. I'm looking forward to seeing them tomorrow.


Day 27


I'm feeling better today both physically and emotionally. I talked to Barbara on the phone and she reminded me that God is not just my God but He's also Emma and Charlotte's God and His plan for us includes them. He is building their faith as they witness and experience these challenges we're facing. She also shared with me that God is using Emma and Charlotte to teach Alice about compassion and loving others above oneself. I am so thankful for friends who can help me see beyond my own discomfort or grief to the eternal.


My ultrasound today was good again. I asked my doctor about whether the positive trend in the babies could be projected to the future. She said she thought we have every reason to think that I'll make it from here (almost 30 weeks) to 32 weeks and maybe farther. We also talked about when I might be able to go back to Bloomington. She said at 31 weeks she'll talk to Dr. Labban (my OB) about his confidence in being able to monitor the babies in Bloomington. She's also going to speak to the neonatologist here about the special care nursery in B-ton and when they might be capable of handling any issues our babies might have at birth. All that means that I could be back in Bloomington in a matter of a couple of weeks if the babies don't arrive before then. Yet another example of how God can bring me out of a low time (the past few days) to such encouragement.


The best part of today was seeing my big girls and my husband. We didn't do anything special but it was incredibly sweet to be able to snuggle and kiss my family. Emma kept asking me if I loved her--It makes me wonder if she's uncertain of my love because of our separation. Please continue to pray for us--especially Emma and Charlotte--that they will not think that I'm gone because they've done something or because I don't love them. Aunt Julie also came up to visit and graciously went and picked up dinner for us from On the Border--delicious!


Day 28

Mother's Day--a day to celebrate mothers and motherhood. It was wonderful to have my family here with me. Emma painted a beautiful flower pot and planted some flowers just for me. Chris, Emma, and Charlotte all made me great cards, which were extra special because they were hand-made. My favorite part of today was getting a chance to snuggle with my big girls as we napped together this afternoon. We used to nap together all the time and I've missed those cuddly moments. It felt almost normal again.

We also had fun outside on the patio. The girls climbed up on some large flat rocks in the garden and sang for us. It was too cute! Even though Charlotte doesn't sing with words, she hums and moves her arms almost like she's conducting or something. Of course, Emma (aka Melodie, Ariel's daughter) cracked us up as she sang a song made up on the fly with all the passion and flair of a real diva. We clapped for them, shouted "Bravo!" and enjoyed the singing over and over again.

The worst part of today was, of course, when Chris and the girls had to leave. Emma was quite upset; although, a large part of her distress was hearing that the Ewer's were coming and she wasn't going to be here to see them. As hard as it is to say good-bye, I have to admit knowing more visitors were coming did make it easier on me. Shortly after they left, the Ewers and half of our small group showed up in my room. It was so nice to see them, hear about their lives, and read the Word and pray together--a great way to end my fourth week in the hospital.

Week 3 (April 27-May 3)

Day 15

My day began early with monitoring at 4:45am. Thankfully, the babies stayed on the monitor without too much difficulty, so I didn't have to be awake for too long. I was able to sleep a little before my doctor came in to do my ultrasound. Elise's cord flow showed some intermittent resistance but Dr. D-P said that it really wasn't any worse than it has been. The way Elise was laying made it necessary to capture the dopplers of her cord close to the insertion site, which always has more resistance than other areas. She still felt reassured that the babies are doing quite well.

To make my day even brighter, Kim Johnson brought Emma and Charlotte to see me this afternoon and brought me a wonderful home-cooked meal! Chris also came by on his way home from Anderson, which made my day even better. It delights my heart to watch the girls playing and to be able to snuggle with them. While it is always hard to see them go, I was able to look forward to seeing the girls again tomorrow.

This evening my IV heplock was really uncomfortable, so my nurse said she could take it out and redo it on my other arm. It was time to draw blood for the type and screen that I have to have every 72 hours. A sample of my blood is given to the blood bank so they can make sure they have blood to donate to me if necessary. The sample is only good for 72 hours, so I have to have it drawn that often as well. My nurse could draw the blood from my IV site so I wouldn't have to be stuck twice. Everything went fine except for the pain of the stick--I'll never get used to it--and the fact that she place the IV in a very awkward spot on my left wrist. It was quite uncomfortable to even move my fingers much less my wrist. I had a hard time knitting or even opening the bathroom door with it. I asked my nurse about it and she said that the position of the IV was causing the discomfort and she could move it if I wanted. I decided to wait until morning when I could ask Dr. D-P about it. I'm hoping she'll say I can just have it removed completely.

During the time my IV was being placed, my nurse was also trying to find Elise on the monitor. She moved the monitor around for an hour without being able to find Elise's heartbeat. I wasn't worried because I could clearly hear her moving around. After an hour of trying, my nurse finally called another nurse for help. I've had Jen before and she's really sweet. She's expecting her 2nd daughter on July 17, Emma's birthday. Jen was able to find Elise right away! Unfortunately, I had to stay on the monitor for another hour to get a good tracing of Elise even though we already had an hour of Anne-Claire.

Before my day ended, my nurse wanted to get another full tracing of the girls, which meant that I to go back on the monitor at 11pm. I was really tired but able to go to sleep not far past midnight, looking forward to seeing Emma and Charlotte again!

Day 16

28 weeks!!! We reached a HUGE milestone today that we didn't know if we'd make or not. Praise God!! Making it to 28 weeks greatly increases the survival rate of our babies. My doctor was very pleased that we've made it this far. She was also encouraged by my ultrasound. She said she wanted to repeat my glucose test in a week and repeat steroid injections a week after that. I was encouraged that she's making plans for the next few weeks and not overly concerned that we might not make it to 30 weeks. She also said we won't measure the babies this Friday but are going to wait until the following Friday to give the girls more time to grow. She is confident that they are doing well enough that we don't need to repeat their growth measurements any earlier. While I'm disappointed to not see how much they've grown, I'm happy to know my doctor feels so good about their progress. I also asked my doctor about my IV and she said we can remove it!! Yay!!

I feel SOOO much better without the IV in anymore. Now I can cuddle the girls without having to worry about the IV catching on anything. Now I just hope that nothing happens that requires the IV to be put back in.

This afternoon Janet Howell brought the girls to see me and we had another great afternoon. I snuggled with both girls for a long time until Anna Chasteen and her kids came by for a visit and my girls decided it was time to get down to play. Emma and Elissa had great fun dressing up in the outfits Emma brought from home. Eliot and Charlotte also had fun chasing each other and playing with the big girls. Anna also brought me some of her home-cooking--so appreciated! Unfortunately, it came time for them all to leave. Emma was really sad and didn't want to let go of me. I really felt badly for Janet who had to take her out of my arms. I cried for a while, prayed for Emma, and called Chris. Talking to him made me feel better. I can't wait to see them all again.

Later I called another mom who had twins about a month ago who'd had TTTS. My doctor gave me her name and number. It turned out she was up in the NICU with her girls, so she came down to see me. It was so nice to talk to someone who knows exactly what we've been going through and a huge encouragement to know we too can have a positive outcome. Her girls were born at 30 weeks and weighed a little over 3 lbs and a little under 2 lbs. They are doing very well now, weighing almost 5 lbs and just over 3 lbs. She invited me up to see the girls, and I jumped at the opportunity. They looked so tiny, but to Jen and Brian they look huge after one month. It is hard for me to imagine our girls being that tiny and probably smaller, but now I have a picture of what they might look like. It was amazing to see Jen cuddling and nursing her baby and to believe that one day soon I'll be holding and nursing Anne-Claire and Elise.

Day 17

This morning I had to get up early because I had an ECHO appointment at 8am. The exam went well--the cardiologist said the girls' hearts were still doing fine. Great news! I also had my regular ultrasound and everything looked good. Elise had some intermittent absent flow in her cord but it was largely due to the cord being looped around her ankle. I asked my doctor if she was concerned about Elise's cord, and she said it's not uncommon for cords to get wrapped around babies in different ways. I am reassured that the babies are being monitored so closely, though, in case something were to go wrong.

This afternoon I had lots of visitors, which made my day! Another mother of TTTS survivors came by today and brought her adorably chubby 6 month old boys. The boys were great! Her donor baby was still visibly smaller than the recipient, but they're both healthy and wonderful. I got to hold the donor, and it helped me to imagine Elise being that big.

Mary Lee Bayly brought Emma and Charlotte to see me today, which made five days in a row! I was so glad to see them because Charlotte has been having trouble with her ears and I needed to cuddle her a little. It is wonderful to get to see my girls, and Chris came by on his way home from Anderson, so we were all together. It makes the week so much easier to be with my family, even for just a few hours. The girls left without any tears because we got webcams today and they knew we were going to get to see one another during our nightly phone call. When they called tonight it was amazing to see all of them while we were talking. The girls kept putting their faces really close to the screen--I guess to get closer to me--so I saw a lot of their foreheads. It was nice, though, to see their little faces and their kisses being blown to me. I love the webcam!

I have one more monitoring session before bed. Hopefully, it will go off without a hitch!

Day 18

Today was a good day. The ultrasound of the babies was really good again. My doctor continues to be pleased with how things are going. I'm sort of bummed that we're not going to do measurements tomorrow but encouraged that she feels comfortable waiting another week for them. Amanda Ewer and Sebra Baker came to visit today and brought Emma and Charlotte along with Anna, Amos, and Elijah. It was fun to see how much Anna is talking now and how big Amos and Elijah have gotten. Of course, I couldn't have been more delighted to see my big girls. I was pretty sad when they had to leave because they weren't able to stay very long and I know I won't see them again until Saturday. After shedding a few tears and praying once again for strength, I tried to focus on holding our babies one day soon. That image helps me to remember why I'm here and why being away from my family is worth it.

This evening Elise had a pretty major decel but once her heart rate came back up she was fine the rest of the time I was on the monitor. My nurse called the on-call doctor, and thankfully, I'm not going on continuous monitoring but will just continue with the normal schedule of every four hours. I'm praying that she won't have anymore decels and we'll have a good night. Now that we've made it to 28 weeks, the benefits of getting to 30 or beyond have become more clear and I hope we can get there. I thought it would be easier now that we're at 28 weeks, but the old fears continue to creep up whenever something like Elise's deceleration occurs. I don't want anyone to think that I don't still need prayer for continued faith and strength. Please continue praying for us.

Day 19

This morning I got to leave my room to go to my doctor's office for my ultrasound. While I enjoy getting out of my room, for some reason, I seem to get sick every time I go to the office. In the middle of the ultrasound, I began to feel lightheaded, then my head started to swim, my vision got cloudy, and my ears began ringing. I told Crystal, the sonographer, and she sat me up. That didn't seem to work--I still felt like I was going to pass out and get sick. I asked her if I could have my blood pressure checked because I felt like it was really low. She was afraid to leave me alone. She brought me the trash can and helped me out of my robe because I also got very hot. Slowly I began to feel better, my vision cleared and the heat left. I remembered that my blood pressure was low this morning, 85/55, and lying flat on my back combined with already low pressure was a recipe for fainting. Crystal was able to complete the ultrasound with me sitting up. Whew! After all that, I was pleased that the babies continue to look really good. Their dopplers and biophysicals were all good-no changes. She also checked the length of my cervix because I've been having a few more contractions, and it was nice and long. I told her that I've never had trouble keeping my cervix closed. :)

My doctor, though pleased with the ultrasound results, decided to put me on continuous monitoring for the afternoon because of the decels Elise has been having. She had at least one each session yesterday and this morning. My doctor wanted to get a longer stretch of time to see exactly how often the decels are happening. I was on the monitor from noon until 4:30pm, and in that time Elise did have a few decels. Dr. D-P was not concerned, though. She said the decels were not lasting very long and Elise's heartrate always came right back up. Apparently, all of this is pretty normal for 28 weekers.

Chris was able to stop by this afternoon on his way home from Anderson and stayed to hear what Dr. D-P had to report. It was great to see him and to get to talk. We're used to spending a lot of time together, so this time apart has been hard on both of us. I do think that this experience has made our marriage stronger and I'm thankful for that. In the beginning of the TTTS rollercoaster, it became apparent how easily a crisis can pull a couple apart. I praise God for allowing our marriage to grow despite the extra strain we're under.

A cute story from Aunt Julie: On her way to drop Emma off at Auntie Barbara's
Julie: I'm going to deliver you to Auntie Barbara's
Emma: Like a pizza?
Julie: Well, yes, I'm going to drop you off at Auntie Barbara's house.
Emma: Can we pretend I'm a pizza?
Julie: What kind of pizza would you be?
Emma: Pepperoni, of course.
So, Julie delivered an Emma pepperoni and cheese pizza to Auntie Barbara.

Day 20

The babies and I had a good day with no surprises. I was thrilled to have Chris and the girls here to spend the day with me. Emma and Charlotte had fun playing "Simon Says." It was quite cute to watch Charlotte mimicking Emma's movements. She's getting so big these days. I hated to see them leave but Julie had come by so I wasn't left alone for a little while longer. Elise had some decels in my last monitoring session but nothing that differed from what she's been doing and were not concerning to my doctor.

Day 21

Today has been pretty lonely. Chris and the girls stayed home so they could go to church. My ultrasound went well--My doctor said she was very excited by how well the girls are doing and how far we've gotten. She was going to order another glucose tolerance test for tomorrow, but thankfully, she heard my nurse mention needing to draw blood for my 72-hour type and screen and said I could do the glucose test today to avoid being stuck two days in a row. The glucose test is not fun because the Glucola is absolutely awful but a necessary evil to rule out gestational diabetes. I don't foresee any problem with the test but it has to be done. The blood draw was particularly painful--I don't think I'll ever get used to being stuck with needles--because the nurse had to use a larger than usual needle to get four vials of blood. Fortunately, I don't think I bruised, so that's positive. Tomorrow marks three weeks in the hospital!

A word about the help we're receiving

All of my nurses have asked me the same question each time they learn I have two daughters at home and no family in Indiana: "Whose taking care of them?" My answer is always the same: "My husband is home with them each night, and our wonderful church family and other dear friends take care of them during the day." I love to be able to tell people from outside Bloomington about the abundance of love our family is shown each and every day and how my church takes the command to bear one another's burdens seriously.

When I was first put on bedrest at home, the ladies in my home fellowship group put their heads together and came up with a system where others in church could sign up to help. My friend, Amanda, set up a calendar on Google that allows ladies to sign up for childcare and meals. I had ladies coming to my house Monday-Friday in four-hour shifts to care for me and the girls and bringing meals every evening. Another sweet woman had already been coming to my house on Friday mornings to clean, and my sweet friend, Julie, began taking over laundry and carpool duties. We followed this schedule for about two weeks before I was hospitalized in Indianapolis. Since then, the routine has changed slightly. Instead of ladies coming to our house, Emma and Charlotte go to the houses of those who've signed up for a particular day. Several ladies have brought Emma and Charlotte up to see me, which means the world to me. I'm looking forward to a visit this afternoon!

I am confident that my family is being cared for and provided for while I'm away. I praise God for giving me such a generous church family and such selfless friends. While I wish that we were closer to Texas and family, I know that God is taking care of us here in Indiana through the arms and hands of friends that have become family to us. I am also thankful for all the prayers that are being lifted up on our behalf literally across the country. I just got an email this morning from the mother of one of Chris's students who has been praying for us in Ohio. God is using our situation to draw many to Himself in prayer. I believe that He is being glorified through this trial we face and that makes everything worthwhile.

Week 2 in the Hospital (April 20-26)

Day 8

I was woken up at 2am to be monitored for an hour, and about ten minutes before it was time to take me off, Elise had another significant decel. Over the next few hours she had a couple more decels including one that was particularly scary. Elise's heartrate (normally in the 150s) went down into the 60s and wouldn't come back up. My nurse flipped me from one side to the other because that can often help; unfortunately, this didn't work for Elise. The nurse finally had me get up on all fours and put me on oxygen, and Elise's heartrate finally came back up. The nurses were having a hard time, as usual, keeping the babies on the monitor, so they had the monitors strapped on so tightly I could barely breathe. At one time, I had three nurses pulling on straps and pushing on monitors--I felt like I had no control and completely forgotten. A nurse from my doctor's office came in and held my hand. Her compassion overwhelmed me and tears began streaming down my face. She truly was Christ to me in that moment.

Throughout the day, I remained on the monitor, and my contractions became more regular. I was contracting every 5 minutes, but, thankfully, Elise had no more drastic decels. Both babies had slight decels during contractions, though, so my doctor wanted to stop them. She decided to put me on magnesium sulfate. In order to load me up with the mag, I was given what is called a bolus of the drug in 20 minutes. I was warned that I would feel hot during the bolus, but nothing could have prepared me for what it actually felt like. I literally felt like I was on fire--even my eyeballs burned. The heat was awful, and then my limbs became so heavy I could not lift them. I felt lightheaded and thought I would pass out. As I cried out to God, I thought that even this was worth it for my babies. Finally, after 20 minutes, the bolus was completed and the magnesium drip was lessened. I began feeling better almost immediately. Shortly thereafter, I was allowed to eat and drink again and was finally able to get some rest. When I went to sleep at 9:30pm, I felt fine.

Day 9

My nurse woke me up at around midnight for monitoring, and I felt like I had some indigestion. I asked for some Sprite but felt no relief from the pain in my chest. My nurse put the monitors on me and left me saying she'd be back in an hour. I might have been able to rest during that hour but Elise would not stay on the monitor. For fear of having to remain on the monitor for more than an hour if we didn't get a good strip on Elise, I held her on the entire time. My nurse returned at the completion of an hour, and I asked for more Sprite and for Maalox because of the discomfort I felt. I began to feel nauseous and did get sick. I thought I would feel better, so I laid back down to sleep until the next monitoring. I was put back on the monitor at 4am and felt even worse. Before the hour was up I had to call my nurse back because I got sick again. I asked her to take my temperature because I felt like I had the flu. What I thought was indigestion was really bad, and I was nauseous and really weak. I also felt my heart pounding, so I also asked my nurse to check my pulse. She said it was a little high but not unusual for me. When I laid down around 5:30am, I was really miserable. I didn't feel like my nurse was very concerned so I just laid in my bed, praying and waiting for the next shift to begin at 7am. My chest was hurting so badly, I decided it couldn't be indigestion but must be something more serious. I actually thought I was having a heart attack and that I was dying. I was incredibly weak and could barely move my arms and legs.

When my nurse came in at 7am, the first words out of my mouth were, "My chest really hurts." The new nurse said that chest pain is a reaction to magnesium, which made me feel better about my situation. She began trying to locate my doctor and doing things to help me. The pain felt a lot like contractions except that it was in my chest. I could feel my chest tightening and the pain was unbearable. It felt like someone was sitting on my chest. The pain radiated from the middle of my chest to my back and shoulders. I also had a hard time taking in a breath because of the pain. The oxygen level in my blood was low, so I was put on oxygen. The magnesium was stopped and soon my pain became intermittent rather than persistent. I was put through a series of tests to make sure that I didn't have a pulmonary embolism, or blood clot in my lungs, including a chest x-ray and spiral CAT scan. I also had my blood-gas level tested, which required a blood draw that is particularly painful because the blood is drawn from an artery. I've had it done once before so I was prepared for the discomfort. This time, however, would be different because a student came in to try. I got nervous when her supervisor began showing her how to find the artery and told her to make sure not to hit my bone. As she stuck me, I was in the middle of a contraction and a wave of chest pain. She did some digging before giving up and pulling out. Her supervisor was able to get the blood drawn, but I ended up with a pretty serious bruise on my wrist. All of the tests came back negative, so my doctor allowed me to eat and drink again by mid-afternoon. Ultimately, it looked like I had had a bad reaction to the magnesium.

Through everything, I was thankful for God's strength and was able to meditate on 2 Corinthians 12:9--I could boast in my weakness because it provided an opportunity for God to be glorified and His power to be perfected. I was also thankful that Chris was here by my side. His quiet strength also kept me calm in the midst of pain and weakness. When he left that evening, I was feeling much better and looking forward to a visit from the girls the next day.

Days 10 & 11

Chris had gotten a substitute for his classes so that he could bring the girls up to see me. Unfortunately, when I talked to him in the morning, I learned that Charlotte had run a fever all night. They would not be able to come up. I was very sad, to say the least. The news set me up for two pretty hard days emotionally. I cried a lot on both Wednesday and Thursday. I was sad because I missed my family but also because I hated being away from Charlotte while she was sick. I could also sense that Chris was overwhelmed from being up all night with Charlotte and from her neediness. She wanted to be held constantly and wanted Chris exclusively. He was having a hard time, which made it that much harder on me being so far away and helpless. I felt badly because my daughter was sick and I wasn't there. I had to remind myself that while Charlotte does need me; right now, Anne-Claire and Elise need me more because no one else can do for them what I can--be their incubator.

Barbara pointed out God's mercy in that on the days that have been most medically challenging, I have not had to deal with the emotional distress that I've experienced the past two days. He promises to not give me more than I can bear, and He's proven Himself faithful yet again. I know that I'm here for a reason and that every day is a gift from God. We've almost made it to 28 weeks, our original goal. Praise God! I continue to take it one day at a time and have nearly 2 weeks of hospitalization under my belt.

Day 12

Today was better in every way. The babies continue to do well, and Chris came for a visit on his way home. I know he'll be back tomorrow with Emma and Charlotte!!

Days 13 & 14

The babies look really good on their ultrasound. I asked my doctor if she thought our chances of making it past 28 weeks were good and she said they were. She also said that if we make it to 32 weeks then I might be able to be transferred to the hospital in Bloomington! She also said that I didn't have to continue my morning monitoring because the babies looked so good on the ultrasound!

Chris, Emma, and Charlotte arrived around lunch time, and it was wonderful to see them. They brought the dresses that Aunt Dorothy and Uncle Brian sent them and were able to dress up for me. Emma got an Ariel dress with "a real tail." She demonstrated her diving abilities, which involved jumping up with her hands in a diving position, landing in a squat, and lying on her tummy on the ground. Sweetness! Charlotte was more interested in cuddling with me (which I loved) than in trying her Little Red Riding Hood or Swan Princess costumes on. Emma, however, put the Little Red Riding Hood outfit on and looked hilarious. The dress was a size 12-18 months, so it was quite short on Emma. She had fun playacting the fairytale, though. I was the Grandmother sick in bed and Chris was the Big Bad Wolf. Chris had packed a lunch, so we were able to go to the patio to eat and enjoy watching the girls play. As the day wore on, Chris decided to go ahead and spend the night in the hotel across the street. Emma kept saying, "I'm so excited! We don't have to leave." Emma wanted me to teach her to knit so I got her started and then watched her do her best. She was so proud of the tangled mess she made--I loved it! I had Emma on one side of me, knitting away, and Charlotte on my other snuggling next to me. I was in heaven!

They came back early on Sunday and we had another good day. We spent more time outside on the patio in the sunshine. It is such a joy to see the girls playing and to be able to hug and kiss them. I also witnessed Charlotte crawl into Chris's lap when she got tired and fall asleep. I am so thankful that they have such a close relationship with their daddy and that it will only be closer because of this time while I'm away. Chris has always been a good daddy but my love and respect for my husband has increased exponentially since my hospitalization. He told me this week, "I don't know why anyone would choose to do this on their own." I would not be able to parent my girls by myself with the same grace and ease that he has shown. I praise God for giving me Chris and for giving him the faith and strength to do what he's being asked to do now.

I was sad when it came time for Chris and the girls to leave, but knowing that Kim (who's watching the girls tomorrow) was planning on bringing them up to see me, made the separation easier on Emma and me. Both girls gave me big hugs and kisses, and Emma said, "I'll see you the next time I come."

It was lonely as usual after they left but I decided to work on this blog and that kept me busy. My night shift nurse came in around 9pm to put me back on the monitor. Around 10:30pm, I called her to see why I was still being monitored and she told me that Elise had a significant decel around 9:30pm. She was going to keep me on the monitor for a while longer. She finally spoke to the on-call doctor around 11:45pm, and he said she could take me off the monitor but would have to put me back on at 4am. I was disappointed but decided to try to hurry up and go to sleep since I only had a few hours. As I prayed for God's protection of Elise and Anne-Claire, I also praised Him for giving me these two weeks in the hospital and 28 weeks of pregnancy. I'll be 28 weeks on Tuesday!

Catching up (from April 3-10)

Since my last post we've been to see Dr. Dungy-Poythress in Indianapolis, back to Cincinnati for more testing, and back to Indy a couple more times. Every appointment has confirmed our decision to not move forward with fetal surgery. The girls have continued to look good in every ultrasound and ECHO we've had.


During our last visit to Cincinnati, Chris and I had a lot more confidence in what we wanted to do; that is, avoid surgery unless absolutely necessary. We also learned that we could ask for things from the medical staff and pretty much get what we asked for every time. Rather than chance getting a doctor who was completely unfamiliar with our case, we asked to see Dr. Jaekle, the doctor who did our amnioreduction. We were able to see him, and he told us again that we'd made the right decision. He was very happy with how the girls looked. He thought that Elise's cord was doing better then others had told us. Buoyed, we went on to our ECHO appointment.


We asked to have Regina conduct our ECHO. She was the sonographer who'd done all of our ECHOs except for the one with the elevated Tei index. Regina was available, so we were pleased to see her again. She told us, "I heard they tried to 'laser you' last week." We asked her if we could speak to a cardiologist after the ECHO, and again our request was honored. The cardiologist came in and told us that our ECHO looked good. We asked him about the Tei index and he told us that it can be affected by which sonographer does the exam. He said that even with the fluctuations of Anne-Claire's numbers he would consider them to all be stable. This week her numbers were lower than last. When we asked what the numbers were this week, he said it should tell us something that he didn't remember the specific numbers. We also asked about long term damage to Anne-Claire's heart because of TTTS. He said that babies with TTTS are usually not followed-up with further ECHOs by the Fetal Care Center, but that he never saw pediatric cardiology patients who had had TTTS in utero. We were encouraged by our conversation.


We went on to our meeting with the fetal surgeon, Dr. Crombleholme. While he agreed that our girls were stable, he did not go so far as to say they were doing well. He wanted us to return to Cincinnati once or twice more for ECHOs but said if surgery was not an option for us then we didn't have to return. We ultimately decided that surgery was not for us. We're prepared to wait and see how far we can get before the girls show signs of needing to be delivered and delivering them at that point. To that end, I am being admitted to the hospital for the duration of my pregnancy so that we can monitor the babies closely enough to catch anything life threatening that comes up.

We continue to trust God and know that He holds us and our girls in His hands. Hospitalization will be hard on all of us, but ultimately, is worth the precious gifts of Anne-Claire and Elise.

2nd opinion in Columbus, Thursday, April 2

During our 4 hour drive to Columbus, Dr. De Lia, called me and asked if I'd spoken to Dr. Jaekle, the MFM who'd done my amnioreduction but who we hadn't seen again since that day. I hadn't yet but Chris agreed that I should try to see what he thought as well. I called Dr. Jaekle and explained what had happened on Tuesday and our concerns about doing surgery when the girls are looking so good by every other indication. I asked him about the possibility that the equal fluid levels could be due to an inadvertent septostomy. He told me that he did not believe he'd poked a hole in the dividing membrane between the girls. He assured me that the other indicators the girls had did not look like the equalization was merely b/c of septostomy. He said if Elise was not getting enough blood flow she would not be producing urine as her full bladder indicated. He also confirmed that he would not move to surgery based on one number. The Tei index, he said, is imprecise and fuzzy. Different doctors figure and interpret and use it differently. He thought that we were absolutely making the right decision. He went on to say that he is by nature contrary so that the fact that he was agreeing with us meant that he really does think we're being wise and not just trying to make us feel good about our decision. So, now we had 2 doctors in agreement with us.

We went in for our appointment next and had another ultrasound. Again, fluid levels were good, bladders full in both girls, and no apparent physical changes in Anne-Claire's heart. Elise did have persistent absent flow in her cord, however. Dr. O'Shaughnessy came in and said something that no doctor had yet said. He said that God had created these girls and made them to share a placenta. The sharing of the placenta was in a way helping Elise and to disconnect her from Anne-Claire would leave her vulnerable. He agreed that her absent flow was largely due to placental insufficiency and that everything he saw indicated that little or no tranfusing was going on currently. He said that we were absolutely making the right decision. He said that if we went to surgery and lost Elise as a result we would find it very hard to not second-guess our decision. We would have lost her after making so much progress from the amnioreduction. He also said that when he figured the Tei index it was normal, but again, doctors figure it and interpret it differently. The bottom line is that the Tei is imprecise and currently the only measurement that caused the doctors in Cincinnati to suggest surgery. We're very glad we decided to wait and get another opinion--now 3 doctors are in agreement with us.

The best thing we could do now was to concentrate on my getting proper bedrest, which he defined as only getting up for the restroom and to shower. He emphasized that the next month is critical for the girls and that getting to 28 weeks (we're at 24 1/2) will be tough. He also told us that he would be praying for us and the girls, which meant more than all the medical information.

We are so thankful that God opened the doors for us to talk to some other smart people and the wisdom to realize we needed time to process and think before doing the surgery. We do not take any credit for this decision but rather give the Father praise for leading us in this and for keeping our girls in His hands. He's continuing to knit them together perfectly and knows exactly how many days they have. My prayer is that we will be allowed to love and hold them in our arms and to watch them grow into beautiful women of God.

Getting a new perspective, Wednesday, April 1

As I wrote my thoughts and feelings last night, I was in a very dark place. My dear friend, Barbara, noticed I was online and being that she was also up praying for us, she called me around 2am. She, through the Holy Spirit, talked with me about my fears and anxieties and spoke truth to me about God's goodness and care for us. After our conversation I was finally able to get some sleep. Early the next morning, I received a phone call from Dr. Julian De Lia, who pioneered the laser surgery that the doctors in Cincinnati want us to do. Dr. De Lia had spoken to me a couple of times and his warmth and care of our family came through on the phone each time. I told him everything that had happened in Cincy and he was quite at a loss. He couldn't understand why the doctors would be so interested in moving to the extreme measure of surgery based on one index when everything else looked so good. He encouraged me to get a 2nd opinion and made a call to a friend in Columbus, Ohio who is also a specialist in treating TTTS. The most important thing Dr. De Lia said to me, however, was that he would be praying for us and that he really does care for our girls and for us.

Within minutes of speaking to Dr. De Lia, a nurse from Columbus, OH called me. I told her about all our latest tests and she told me that I'd been able to give her all the information she needed. She said that in Columbus they use the Tei index as one piece of the larger picture. Based on everything else I'd told her about the girls' fluid, sizes, dopplers, etc., she said they looked really good. She said that where our girls are now is where they hope to get their patients. She was able to get us an appointment for the next day with Dr. O'Shaughnessy. We were excited to have the opportunity to get another doctor's opinion and hoped that it would be helpful and not muddy the waters. I spent the rest of the day coordinating getting all our records to Columbus.

In the afternoon, I was scheduled to get the 2nd dose of steroids to help the girls begin producing surfactant, which allows us to breathe normal air. I had to go to the Bloomington hospital for the injection. I thought it would be a quick trip up to L&D, so Chris and Charlotte waited in the car while Emma and I went up. Before giving me the injection the nurse checked my vitals and discovered that my heart rate was 141 bpm. She said that was quite elevated and that if we couldn't get it down, she'd have to admit me. So, Emma and I sat in a darkened room for 2 hours while the nurse checked me every 15 minutes to no avail. My heartrate was not going down. I had no way of contacting Chris in the car so security was going to have to go find him. Fortunately, he'd gotten sufficiently irritated by the wait to come inside to investigate. He figured with all the waiting that we usually have to do, that I was still waiting to get the injection. When he walked into the room and saw them hooking me up to monitors, I think it really scared him. They kept me for several more hours and finally released me at 10pm with my assurance that I would return if anything worsened. We didn't want to stay there b/c of our scheduled appointment in Columbus the next day.

Once at home, I called the doctors in Cincinnati who had prescribed procardia, a blood pressure medication that will help Anne-Claire's heart. Unfortunately, it can also cause me to have an elevated heart rate. The nurse told me to skip my morning dose and she'd call after talking to the docs. We went to bed hopeful again that tomorrow our desire to wait on surgery or avoid it altogether would be confirmed. I realized once again, that through God's strength and faithfulness, I can come out of a very dark time with faith and hope. Having experienced those moments gives me confidence that we'll continue to weather this challenging time not by our own strength, but His.

Blindsided, from Tuesday, March 31

How many times can I say, "This has been the hardest day of my life?" I know there will be many. I was never promised a life free from suffering but rather assured that suffering would come, and I can honestly say I never knew the true meaning of the word until four months ago. In November, we watched Emma suffer through a difficult and painful operation, and at that time I thought it was the most difficult thing I'd ever done--to see my child suffer. But through God's grace, we got through it and I saw my faith increase. Praise Him! In February, we found out the job search at Anderson had been cancelled. We were devastated by the news that the one really good job opportunity we had was gone. We thought, "Okay, so this is what it means to truly trust God." We felt like we'd always trusted Him before, but it was much easier when we could see this really good option out there for God to use to meet our needs. Now we know that only He can meet our true needs.

This brings me to today-- we've had so many ups and downs in just three weeks, my head is spinning. Last week we were soaring high with the news that our battle with TTTS might be nearing a conclusion. Both Anne-Claire and Elise showed great signs that the progression of TTTS had stalled. We went into the tests today with high hopes that the girls would remain stable and we'd be sent back to Indianapolis for follow-up. I was extremely anxious about the possibility of hospitalization for more frequent monitoring of the girls until birth, which would likely be early, but had already begun feeling the peace that passes understanding as I thought through how my family would continue to be cared for in my absence.

This morning, as noted in my early-morning status update, began with a lot of unexplained anxiety on my part. I sought out prayer and began meditating on the verse that has been at the forefront of my mind through all this, "When my anxieties multiply within me, thy consolations delight my soul." I continued to feel physically ill through most of the ride to Cincinnati. Upon arriving promptly at 9am, we were made to wait until nearly 10 for the ultrasound. The waiting increased my anxiety but I continued praying and meditating on the Word. The ultrasound couldn't have gone better. Fluid levels were equalized: Anne-Claire at 4.9cm and Elise at 4.4cm. Bladders were easily viewed in both girls and both had grown. They were still discordant in size but it had remained 36%, which is not as good as going down but way better than going up. Anne-Claire weighed 738 grams or about 1 1/2 pounds. Elise is still quite small at only 470 grams, so she's not quite a pound yet. Amazingly, the formerly persistent absent blood flow in Elise's cord was now only intermittently absent, another great sign. Finally, my cervix was a nice 3.8 cm, which is an excellent indication that I was not in danger of imminent premature labor. Chris and I were quite pleased with all the good measurements. Unfortunately, we were knocked off balance for the first time with the entrance of a brand new, never-before-seen maternal fetal specialist.

She told us that while all the signs did in fact look good, we had crossed an important threshold--viability--and this changed the way we should be looking at things. At 24 weeks gestation, babies are considered viable outside the womb by the medical community. Apparently, if I'd gone into premature labor before this week and delivered, little would have been done to save the girls. They had reached the magic number of 24 weeks and were now worthy of medical intervention to save their lives should they be born today. The doctor thought I should be admitted to the hospital in Cincinnati for steroid injections and close monitoring so the girls could be delivered at the first sign of distress. This was the first time anyone in Cincinnati had ever mentioned this as a possibility. We were confused and immediately wanted to talk to one of the other doctors who knew more about our situation than this new doctor who admittedly knew very little. She told us she would talk to Dr. Van Hook, who'd we'd been seeing since this started three weeks ago and would let us know what the plan was. I called my maternal fetal specialist in Indianapolis to give her a heads up because we wanted to travel to Indy for hospitalization if at all possible. She said not to worry but to have the doctors call her after all the tests were over. We praised God for the good news, knowing that if I was hospitalized He would take care of all the details.

We went on to our ECHO, somewhat confused but still thinking the new doctors reaction probably was due largly to her unfamiliarity with our situation. We joked in the waiting room that today was the day for changes and that we'd probably end up with a different radiologist than the one we'd had for all of our previous ECHOS. Sure enough, a different woman came out to greet us. Chris and I shared a look but said nothing. The radiologist is usually quiet during the ECHO, silently doing her job, and we usually have to wait for results until we meet with the surgeon later. One comment this radiologist made stuck with me. She told a visiting doctor from China who was observing that she hadn't worked too hard to get one measurement because everything else was looking so good and that the wrong angle can distort the numbers that are fed into different indeces and formulas. We left there with our hope revived and with a plan to ask to be sent to Indy if hospitalization was recommended. We'd discussed different possibilities of care for the girls and knew that the Body would be there for us like they have been thus far.

Unfortunately, our waiting continued as our 1:30pm appointment time came and went. At 2:30, I asked if the receptionist had any idea how much longer it would be and she said they were waiting for the ECHO report. That sound odd to us because that report usually gets sent in minutes. I don't know how much longer we waited for Dr. Lim because I made no note of the time when he entered--Largely, because he knocked me off my chair with his first statement, "I like to cut right to the chase. It's time to talk about surgery." What? But all our measurements have been wonderful. The techs had even gotten the elusive ductus venosus after 2 weeks of trying unsuccessfully. Dr. Lim went right past all the good news straight to the heart of the matter--Anne-Claire's. The Tei index is a measurement of heart performance, or heart failiure. Anne-Claire's right ventricle on the Thursday after my amnioreduction was .49, which is 1/100th higher than normal. At that time, Dr. Lim thought the amount to be sufficiently insignificant to deem the AR a failure. The next Tuesday, her right ventricle went down to .46 while the left ventricle went up but remained within normal range. Today, her right ventricle was .56 and her left was .53, both measurements considered well outside normal. We had moved from stage 3A TTTS to the cusp between 3B and 3C. Stage 4 means the baby's heart is in serious failure and they baby has hydrops, swelling of the tissues. Stage 5 is death. Dr. Lim could not tell us how long it might take Anne-Claire to move from 3C to 4 and then to 5.

I immediately questioned the ECHO based on the radiologists comment about bad angles influencing numbers and measurements. Dr. Lim did not believe such to be the case but did give us the option of waiting and repeating the ECHO on Friday or Monday. He couldn't tell us for sure that Anne-Claire could wait that long but felt comfortable enough to allow it. So these are our options: do nothing and see how far we can get before losing a baby in utero or delivering early, repeat the ECHO on Friday and surgery if necessary on Monday, surgery on Thursday, or deliver the babies now. Our first step was for me to get a steroid injection to improve the girls lung development in the event we deliver soon. We talked about the surgery and the huge risks to Elise because of her marginal share of the placenta. They could begin the surgery, map out the connections, see what share she has, and not move forward with photocoagulating the connections. None of the options seems very promising and we're just not sure what we should do. My gut reaction is that for right now the girls appear healthy and happy and the thought of going to surgery and quite possibly ending Elise's life as a result makes me ill.

I am struggling to find hope right now and cannot see past losing one or both of our girls. All I can do is cry out to the Father for His strength b/c I am so very weak right now. I know that my only hope is in Christ and that no medical procedure or doctor can do what He can do. I'm so scared. I need more faith.

Encouraging Day

We had a great day today! We left our house early, 6am, and arrived in Cincy in plenty of time for our 9:30 U/S. The girls both looked wonderful! It was immediately apparent that they both had good fluid levels and the tech confirmed that. Normal fluid ranges from 2-8cm. Anne-Claire's was 7.7cm last Thursday, was taken down to 4.6cm on Monday with the amnioreduction, and was 5.1cm this morning. Elise's was 3.3cm last week, went down to 2.1 on Monday, but was up to 2.9cm today. Both girls also had nice big visible bladders, which is a good sign that Elise is getting nutrition and producing urine. The one negative was that Elise's cord still shows absent diastolic flow, which is a sign of placental insufficiency. The best way of dealing with this is through strict bedrest and good nutrition for me. The doctor came in after the ultrasound was over and told us he thought both girls looked very good. He said he was, "cautiously optimistic," which is a lot coming from a doctor that rarely offers positive news without good reason.

We left feeling good but cautious because we knew there was a lot riding on the ECHO. The ECHO went well but we didn't immediately get to speak to a doctor about the results. We were able to rest in one of the nesting rooms in the Fetal Care Center before Dr. Lim, one of the fetal surgeons, came to talk to us. He came early so we didn't have to wait until 5pm, which was a blessing from God. He told us that he too felt the ultrasounds looked good except for the absent flow in Elise's cord. He reiterated the importance of bedrest to improve Elise's bloodflow and nutritional intake. The big news was that the ECHOs on both girls looked very good. The only noticeable change was in Anne-Claire's right ventricle. I'm not sure what the measurement is of but normal range goes to 4.8 and hers was 4.9. He didn't feel this was a significant enough amount to consider a progression of TTTS. In other words, our girls' TTTS has not progressed and has in fact improved to some degree by the improved fluid levels.

We won't consider this a successful response to the amnioreduction until we get another positive report on Tuesday when we return to Cincinnati, but for now we're very encouraged. Dr. Lim thinks that we are safe to rely on weekly ultrsounds and ECHOs for the time being until they see some significant change that warrants further action. We'll be watching Anne-Claire's heart carefully for any signs of progression of TTTS and Elise's growth closely. Our goal is to make it to 32 weeks, when both girls have a good chance of survival without medical complications. We're going to concentrate on proper nutrition for me and good bedrest and to pray that God will continue to strengthen Anne-Claire and Elise and to keep them healthy.

We give God all of the glory for today. We've been asking Him to work in a mighty way so to astonish the doctors who were not at all encouraging last week. I do believe He has answered our petitions. I continue to pray that my hope will rest in the Father and not in the doctors or procedures. God was pleased to use the amnioreduction to help our girls, but His hand did all the work. Thank you, Father.

Please pray:1) for continued faith and His glorification;

2) for Anne-Claire's heart and Elise's growth;

3) for strength as we face weekly trips to Cincinnati;

4) that the girls stay put in my womb until it is safe for them to come out;

5) that Emma and Charlotte would continue to handle separation from us as well as they have so far.

Thank you to all who have been fasting, praying, and otherwise laying down their lives for us. We love you all very much.

Amnioreduction

My anxiety level as we left our house on Monday was high. My prayer, "When my anxieties multiply within me, thy consolations delight my soul," became a mantra that got me through the incredibly stressful first half of the day. By the time we got to the clinic in Cincinnati, I thought I might pass out, but my rock and dearly beloved husband, prayed me through it and held my hand the whole time. Dr. Jaekle, too, sensed my anxiety (I was visibly shaking as I lay down on the table) and did a great job calming me down. He explained that the needle used was smaller than the one used to draw blood and that Anne-Claire was in no danger from the needle because the sharp part is actually extracted after penetration and only a narrow catheter remains in the womb. He reassured us that bumping into it would be like bumping into a straw--absolutely no danger. He also paid me what he said was a major obstetrical complement--he had to raise the table completely in order to reach me and was able to use the short needle rather than the long one to reach my womb. While gathering all his supplies, he realized he didn't have the right kind of tubing. Five or six people entered the room looking for the tubing he wanted and none of them could find it. Chris leaned in and whispered that it reminded him of a Seinfeld episode. I replied that I hoped Dr. Jaekle was a real doctor and not just pretending to be one like Kramer. I wanted to see his diploma on the wall. We giggled, which drew the attention of the doctor who wanted to know what was so funny. He'd already proven to have a sense of humor so we told him. It definitely eased some of the tension I was feeling. Finally, another doctor entered and said he should use the "kit." As Dr. Jaekle opened the packaging he revealed why he doesn't like to use the "kit," pulling a huge needle probably 15 inches long out of the box: "This tends to worry people when they see it." He also commented on the $300 the kits cost to open when all he needed was a small piece of tubing. I told him I hoped that wouldn't end up on my bill, and he knew I was relaxed enough to proceed.

Chris advised me to close my eyes and to use the breathing I'd learned in childbirth class, so the actual needle stick was not too bad. Having the catheter in me was uncomfortable and caused some cramping. Before putting in the needle, Dr. Jaekle had used ultrasound to see where Anne-Claire was and to find the deepest vertical pocket of amniotic fluid. I almost told him that he might want to check on her location again because of her high activity level but kept quiet, letting him do his job. But sure enough, as soon as the catheter was in, there was Anne-Claire investigating what this new intrusion into her space might be. She actually reached up and grabbed it and began pushing against it, which both Dr. Jaekle and I could feel. He thought he might have to restick me because she was causing the fluid to slow down its flow, but thankfully, didn't have to resort to that. He filled 2 and 1/3 jars with fluid, which was around 1 1/2 liters. I immediately felt less pressure and could see my belly had gone down in size. Dr. Jaekle mentioned it was softer to the touch as well. Anne-Claire's fluid level went from 7.7 cm to 4.6cm. He also measured Elise's fluid, which was 2.1 cm. Our hope and prayer is that Elise's levels will increase while Anne-Claire's stabilize. He said Elise's fluid could begin increasing in a day or so. He also allowed us to listen to their heartbeats, which is always a wonderful sound. As he shifted the U/S wand just slightly, I wondered aloud whether he'd actually gotten Elise's heartbeat. Yes, he assured me he had. What didn't make sense to me was that rather then being stuck way over on my right side, Elise was now in the middle of my belly. She'd already become "unstuck." It was remarkable! Even in those few moments, God was blessing us with such encouragement.

We left feeling encouraged and hopeful. God can use this procedure to heal our daughters. We pray that is what He will do. Dr. Jaekle could see that I was cramping quite a bit as we left, so he recommended I take Motrin for just a dose or two and to spend the night in Cincinnati rather than attempting the drive back to Bloomington. I am grateful for his recommendation--I was able to rest Monday night and then okay to travel on Tuesday.

I continue to feel both girls moving actively and have not started feeling full of fluid again, so I'm hoping this means the girls fluid levels are equalizing nicely. We return to Cincinnati tomorrow, Thursday, March 19, for our first follow-up ultrasound and ECHO and will meet with a fetal surgeon. It will be a long day, so please pray for strength for both Chris and I as well as positive results. We also have to go back next Tuesday, March 24, to repeat the tests for a final verdict on the success of the procedure. We're taking this one step at a time, and focusing on each day as it comes, trying not to worry about the possibility of surgery until we have to.

Prayer Requests:
1) that God would be pleased to save our girls and to use this amnioreduction as a tool for His glory;

2) that our family would continue to trust Him and rely on His strength;

3) that I would get the bedrest and nutrition that I need to provide the best possible environment for the girls;

4) that Emma and Charlotte would be obedient and patient through this difficult time;

5) and for all the loving friends and family who continue to pray for us and who are laying down their lives in service to our family.

Team meeting with Fetal Care Center doctors

The second day of diagnostics at the Fetal Care Center was an emotional roller coaster, which is why I'm only now writing this post. I was just too exhausted, physically and emotionally. The verse that I meditated on yesterday was from Psalms 94: "When my anxieties multiply within me, your consolations delight my soul." Our first stop was with a nurse midwife who took my medical history and did a short exam. She told me that my uterus is abnormally large for 21 weeks because of all the amniotic fluid in Anne-Claire's sac. We mentioned to her that we'd been encouraged the day before by the ultrasound and the girls' strong heartbeats. She told us that sick babies can also have normal heartbeats, which, needless to say, was less than encouraging. She also ordered an EKG for me because I would need one before surgery. It felt like she believed surgery was a foregone conclusion for us.

We left there for cardiology completely deflated. During the ECHO, a nurse from cardiology came in to talk to us, and she told us that strong heartbeats should be an encouragement to us. That made us feel a little better. After the ECHO, the cardiologist came in to give us his initial assessment and his words gave us another glimmer of hope. He said that he couldn't believe our girls had TTTS b/c their hearts were both completely normal. In TTTS, the recipient twin (Anne-Claire) suffers from heart failure b/c of the increased volume of blood flow. He said she wasn't showing any of the telltale signs that her heart was working any harder than it ought. He also said that our girls were both so active that he had a hard time believing they had TTTS. Donor babies (Elise) that he sees usually have no fluid and can't move at all. They are literally "saran wrapped" to the side of the womb by lack of fluid. He said Elise was doing flips and moving so much she did not look like a typical "stuck twin." Even though Chris warned me against putting my hope in what the cardiologist said without all the evidence, I'm a woman and I couldn't help myself. I allowed myself to believe that maybe they didn't have TTTS at all.

Next came the big moment--the team meeting with the fetal surgeon and director of the center, Dr. Crombleholme, and the maternal fetal specialist, Dr. Van Hook. The meeting started with Dr. Van Hook telling us that in every criteria for TTTS, our girls were just on the fringe of being abnormal. Anne-Claire's fluid was just below what would be considered way too much, and Elise's was just above what would be considered way too little. Their hearts did look normal but Anne-Claire's is right on the edge and will likely soon begin showing signs of damage. The MRI looked good--neither girl displaying what they would usually see with TTTS. All these things began giving us encouragement.

Then they started giving us the more negative results. Elise's cord shows signs of resistance to normal blood flow and her head is slightly larger than it ought to be in relation to her body. This is a sign that the placenta is not working well for her. Babies with placenta insufficiency (PI) begin to compensate for the lack of nutrition by devoting more to the head and brain b/c of its imporance and give less to the rest of the body. Her cord insertion is on the edge of the placenta instead of in a nice position toward the middle of the placenta.

Their diagnosis: Our girls are stage 3A TTTS with placenta insufficiency for Elise. Basically this means they have a very early stage of TTTS but with the added complication of PI. They told us this is good b/c it gives us more options. We are not being forced into a particular treatment. Unfortunately, because of the PI, some treatments are more dangerous for Elise. The statistics for babies like ours were not encouraging. 88 babies out of 100, or 50 sets of twins, who undergo amnio reduction will survive. Translation: some moms will have both babies survive, some will have one, and some will have none. Because of Elise's PI, surgery could be quite dangerous. If she happens to have a share of the placenta that is less than 20%, she will likely die. 80 babies out of 100, or 50 sets of twins, who undergo surgery while at stage 3 and with PI will survive. There is no treatment for PI. The only recommendation is complete bed rest and concentration on nutrition.

We left the meeting in a fog. It seemed that we were going to have to choose between our babies. Impossible. Our hearts cried out to God and I do believe He heard us. In thinking everything the doctors said over, we realized that amnio reduction did not put Elise at any greater risk of death. It is also less invasive and carries less risk of premature labor. The doctor told us they would know in about a week or so whether the amnio reduction was successful by doing another ECHO after a few days and a 2nd ECHO a few days later. If their hearts don't get worse, we can say we're in the 20% that do respond successfully to amnio reduction. If the procedure is not successful, then we'll have to move on to surgery. We're choosing to take this one step at a time and are focusing solely on the amnio reduction right now. I'm scheduled to go in for the procedure on Monday at 1pm in Cincinnati. We'll have to go back Thursday for the 1st ECHO and then back again on the following Monday.

We know that God has a plan for our girls and it is perfect. Regardless of what treatment we choose, He has them in His hands and has already determined their future. Right now our girls are doing well. They are both healthy and strong. In order to keep them that way for as long as possible I am going to go on bedrest and increasing my protein intake significantly. Our goal is to get them as far past viability (24 weeks) as possible and to deliver them before losing either one in the womb.

Please pray: 1) for strength and continued faith. It is very easy, especially for me, to slip into despair, and I don't want to do that;

2)that we will not put our hope in what the doctors say, in treatments, or in any bit of encouragment, but only in our Lord and Father;

3)that God would preserve the lives of our girls, that He would be merciful to us, and would allow us the testimony of their lives for His Glory;

4)for the details of getting to and from Cincinnati multiple times in a week and for bed rest to be possible for me;

5)for Emma and Charlotte who don't understand what's going on but each need to trust God as well.

Thank you all so much for your prayers. We wouldn't be able to stand under this burden without them. Thank you to everyone who's already been ministering to us. We love you.

Our beautiful new daughters

Anne-Claire at 21 weeks

Elise at 21 weeks

The best thing about today was getting to see our beautiful babies--Anne-Claire and Elise--and getting to share it with Chris because he's had to miss all my other ultrasounds except for the one when we discovered two baby blobs. We drove up to the Castleton area to Maternal-Fetal Medicine to get a level 2 ultrasound because my OB was concerned that Elise was measuring smaller than Anne-Claire and had less amniotic fluid. We took Emma and Charlotte with us so they could see the babies, too. Overall they were very good, especially considering neither fell asleep until right before we arrived, and Charlotte missed lunch because of her nap, albeit a short one.

During the ultrasound, Anne-Claire and Elise were both very active and fun to watch. At one point the tech was trying to get some measurements of Elise, and Anne-Claire came over and got in the shot, like she was trying to get all the attention. I can already tell what her personality is going to be like. :) Getting all the measurements and pictures on two active babies took a long time and we were all tired and hungry by the time the doctor came in to take a look for herself. She was super nice and friendly and wrapped up her part of the exam quickly. Then she told us she would join us in the conference room to discuss what she'd seen.

While we waited for the doctor I noticed Charlotte's diaper was pretty full but thought I'd just wait until after we'd spoken to the doctor to change her. I had no idea that what she had to say would take a lot longer than expected, which resulted in Charlotte's diaper leaking all over my pants and me changing her on my lap in front of a slightly shocked specialist. But I especially welcomed the opportunity to be Charlotte's mommy after hearing all the doctor had to say.

This is really hard, but here goes. The doctor began by explaining to us that Anne-Claire and Elise share one placenta. They also have discordant sizes: Anne-Claire weighs 15 ounces and is in the 70th percentile for weight. Elise's weight puts her in the less than 3% category. The discordancy for the girls is 32%, which is apparently pretty high. Anne-Claire has a lot more amniotic fluid than Elise, and Elise has problems with blood flow through her cord--the doctor called it "absent blood flow." Several things could be causing all of this: intrauterine growth restriction, maternal infection early in gestation, chromosomal abnormalities, or twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome (TTTS).

Based on what she saw today, the doctor believes our girls have TTTS, which occurs at a rate of .1 to .9 per 1000 births. In TTTS, babies have one or more blood vessels in their shared placenta that connect their blood flow. One baby donates blood to the other, which causes her to receive less nutrition. In our case Elise is donating blood to Anne-Claire. Because she is the donor, Elise is smaller. Because she's receiving less nutrition, Elise is also producing less urine, which is why her amniotic fluid is so much less than Anne-Claire's. The obvious danger for Elise is death due to lack of adequate blood flow, nutrition, and fluid. The danger for Anne-Claire is death due to heart failure. Because of the higher than normal amount of amniotic fluid, her heart has to work harder to pump. TTTS if left untreated is very dangerous and almost always fatal. The positive things we were left with were that both girls are very active and have good, strong heartbeats. The doctor also said that there are some babies that come in with no amniotic fluid at all, so Elise is doing well having the fluid she's got.

Not exactly what we were expecting to hear when we drove up to Indy this afternoon. Before hearing this news, my worst-case scenario was mandatory bed rest. I would gladly welcome hospitalized bed rest at this point.

So, our obvious first question was what do we do now? The options were: do nothing (really, they actually give that as an option), serial amniotic fluid reduction, or laser fetal surgery. In serial anminotic fluid reduction, a needle would be inserted into my uterus to draw out fluid from Anne-Claire's sac in order to equalize the amount of fluid for both girls and to take pressure off of the restricted blood vessels in Elise's cord. The doctor couldn't say how often this procedure would be required but could be weekly. Laser fetal surgery actually closes off the vessels that are shared to stop Elise from transfusing her blood to Anne-Claire. The closest center that does this surgery is in Cincinnati at the Fetal Care Center. At this center, there is a 91.7% survival rate of one or both twins and 64% of both twins treated with fetoscopic laser surgery.

We decided to go to Cincinnati to see if they can help us there. The doctor today stressed that there is still a chance that our girls don't have TTTS, so the Fetal Care Center will conduct their own diagnostic tests: ultrasound, MRI, echocardiograms, and amniocentisis to confirm TTTS. Then if Anne-Claire and Elise have TTTS, we'll find out if we're even candidates for the surgery. If we're not, we'll come back to Indy for the amnioreduction therapy. The doctor we saw today is going to call Cincinnati first thing in the morning to get us an appointment. They will get us in as soon as possible, hopefully this week. They do all the diagnostics in one day so that if we're candidates for the surgery we can do it right away as well.

Needless to say, we're terrified. I don't even know how to put into words what I'm feeling right now but fear of losing one or both of our babies is literally weighing me down so heavily that I have no idea how I'm actually typing all this right now and not in a heap on the floor. We obviously covet your prayers not only for Anne-Claire and Elise but for our faith. It seems like all I do these days is say, "We're trusting God. He's in control. He's good. He only does what is best for us." But it is getting harder and harder every moment I turn around. Last night I lay in bed trying to figure out how I was going to get my cleaning and housework done and this morning a dear friend offered to come by in the morning to clean my house. I know that God hears my heart crying out so often and answers me over and over with love and gentleness. Even though He hears me and loves me, I'm so afraid He might take what is most precious and still expect love and obedience from me. Behold the handmaiden of the Lord.

Baby Noah is home!

We got the wonderful news yesterday that Baby Noah has been released finally more than a month after his birth. Please continue to pray for his family as they make the adjustment to having their sweet son at home after such a long time in the hospital. Pray also that he will begin nursing better--he's gotten used to the bottle. Many thanks for your prayers and concern for the Picketts. God is good!

Another Baby Noah Update

Wonderful news regarding Baby Noah--he's been taken off the ventilator and is doing well breathing on his own. He's being weaned off the morphine he's been given and is beginning to learn how to drink by mouth. Once he's able to eat full meals from a bottle or even better from his mama, he'll be able to go home. His doctor predicted that could happen within a week. Thank you for all of your prayers--they are certainly being heard.

Here is the latest update from Noah's mama: "Noah continues to thrive on prayer. Today his cannula came out (hopefully) for good. He also graduated to a "big boy" bed. Yes, they found him a crib that he actually fits in. He looks a lot more comfortable now. Even more exciting is that the nurses started teaching Noah how to use a bottle. He is still getting his food through a tube down his nose, but they are starting to practice with small amounts in a bottle so he can learn how to do things like swallow without choking, etc.

The first attempt was quite hilarious as Noah was quite confused as to what he was supposed to do with this new object in his mouth. However, by 6pm this evening Grandma Greer was able to feed him a small bottle without a problem. Momma was a bit jealous that she wasn't the first one to feed Noah in the family, but very happy that her boy is progressing so quickly this week.

Noah is still pretty dependent on morphine, but the doctor started to give him doses orally instead of an IV. This is supposed to make it easier to ween him off of the drug. When he first gets his dose now, you can literally see his reaction. We admit it is very strange to see your 19 day old son "high" on morphine.

Prayer requests for the night:

1. Thank the Lord for His continued answer to our prayers

2. Pray that Noah would be able to come off morphine soon

3. Pray that Noah would continue to excel at eating (like his Mom and Dad excel!!!)

4. Pray that Noah could come home soon5. Pray that Noah's lungs would continue to heal"

Update on Baby Noah

Here is Baby Noah's first family photo being held by his mama, Lauren, for the first time at 11 days old. Since I last wrote, Noah has made good progress with a couple of bumps in the road. He began showing good signs by tolerating the lowering of his oxygen levels, so on Day 10, he was transitioned to a regular ventilator. He had been on a special oscillator ventilator. He had to move to the regular one before his parents could hold him. Unfortunately, his blood gas levels plummeted and his lungs collapsed with the change so they had to increase him back to 100% oxygen. Throughout the course of the day, they were able to slowly decrease his oxygen levels and his lungs began to reinflate. Yesterday he ended the day at 56% oxygen and for the first time he got to feel the warmth of his mama and daddy's arms. I can't imagine how hard it has been for his parents to not be able to hold their baby. A nurse also told Lauren and Brandon for the first time that he is getting better. They were very encouraged. Today, he's made slow but steady progress. His lungs have both inflated and he's being given his mama's milk intravenously. It could take a long time before he is completely off the ventilator, so please continue to pray for little Noah and his parents. Lauren specifically asked for the following:

1. We would not be discouraged during this process, but only be thankful for every day that God gives Noah- good days and bad days

2. We would be patient and wait on the Lord

3. Pray for progress in Noah's condition

4. Pray that Noah's lungs would continue to heal and start working on their own

Prayer for Baby Noah Michael Pickett

This dear baby is the firstborn of a young couple, Brandon and Lauren Pickett, who recently left Bloomington and our church and moved to Pennsylvania. Brandon and Lauren were members of our home fellowship group and hold a special place in our hearts. Their wedding was Emma's first at the ripe age of three-weeks old, and Lauren watched Emma for me the summer I was working tons before Charlotte was born.

Little Noah was born the day after Christmas, twelve days past his due date, by emergency c-section, weighing a whopping 9 lbs 6 oz and measuring 22 1/8 inches long. By many standards he is a strong, healthy little boy. Unfortunately, he aspirated meconium upon delivery and is very, very sick. He's been in the NICU at the children's hospital in Pittsburgh since his birth a week ago, fighting for his life on a ventilator. Lauren wrote this note yesterday, Day 6 in the NICU:

"Thank you all for your continued prayers. I cannot even begin to express how much they mean to us. Please keep the prayers coming. Specifically, please pray that Noah would have a good night. Pray that Noah would only stay stable or make progress. Pray that Noah would not regress. Pray that Noah would not need the ECMO treatment and that God would direct the doctors and nurses in their decisions. Pray that Psalm 91 would be a promise for Noah.

Today was a good day for little Noah. The ECMO treatment has been, for now, taken off the table. Of course, as we have found out, anything can change within a matter of hours. We are constantly being challenged to put our faith in God and not our faith in Noah's vital statistics. However, we are grateful for today's stats. All of Noah's numbers were much better today and the doctor's have once again started the process of weening him off the ventilator. They are taking the weening process very, very slowly now because Noah has been very sensitive to any changes made to his support levels.

I have been taking everyone's suggestion and singing hymns, kid songs, and silly songs I made up about how much I love Noah to him. I love him more deeply than I knew I could love another human being and it opens my eyes to the true sacrifice God made when He sent His Son to die for our sins.Please keep praying. Please send out our information to anyone and everyone- we gladly accept prayer from anyone who is willing."

A friend of mine shed light on the seriousness of Noah's condition when she explained that most babies that aspirate meconium are often better by day 2 and hardly ever remain on a ventilator for a full week. The ECMO treatment mentioned in Lauren's note is something that is only used as a last resort for babies who would die otherwise because it carries the risk of death itself.

Please add little Noah and his parents to your prayer list. Pray that he will tolerate the doctors weaning him off the ventilator and that he will not require the ECMO treatment. Pray for Lauren as she is recovering from a c-section and unable to hold her precious new baby. Pray for Brandon as he tries to provide strength and support to his wife while grieving so for his son. Pray that both would have faith during this time as they entrust their son to God and the medical staff. Please pass on this request to other believers who can add their prayers to ours. We know that God knew little Noah before his parents first laid eyes on him, and He has a perfect plan for Noah's life. God is good all of the time!